


With Love, Christmas

by sten06



Category: Supergirl
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, F/F, Fluff, Hallmark AU, Happy Ending, Secret Santa Gift Exchange, still a reveal component, the gay hallmark movie we deserve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-28
Updated: 2018-12-28
Packaged: 2019-09-29 09:34:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 30,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17201042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sten06/pseuds/sten06
Summary: Lena Luthor.Kara runs her fingers over the sharpie marker lettering of her enigmatic co worker's name. This can’t be right.She twists the paper slightly between her fingers, half expecting it to disintegrate before her very eyes.Lena Luthor.Even her name is too elegant to stare at too long.The CatCo annual holiday party is 6 weeks away, but today is the official secret santa drawing. Kara has been looking forward to it for months, scheming and plotting for the perfect gift to dazzle whoever she should pick. She’s lucky, because most of her coworkers are also her close friends -- and the past 2 years she’s participated, she has always known exactly what to do.Until now.ORHallmark movie AU in which Kara draws Lena's name in the office secret santa exchange, and decides to create an email account to get to know her in secret. Meanwhile, she gets partnered with a less than thrilled Lena on a work project where the two can't seem to agree on anything. What can go wrong?





	1. With Love, Christmas - Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is inspired by the movie "With Love, Christmas" which is a Secret Santa gift exchange meets You've got Mail... aka the perfect Hallmark movie to finally write my self indulgent AU. There's still an identity crisis component, which is classic Supercorp, and it's just so damn cheesy you can't help but smile. 
> 
> Sorry it's late, and thanks to my girlfriend for allowing me to clog the DVR with hallmark movies and letting me watch this one AGAIN so I could take notes. Also thank you for listening to me complain about writing this on a time crunch and for just generally being a very patient and cute bean.

**Part 1**

The warm, velvety scent of hot chocolate drifts out across the downtown corporate commons. Kara smiles at the festive reminder of what today is, and picks up her pace to the coffee cart situated outside the offices of CatCo Worldwide media. It’s an every day stop on her way to work; a necessary morning ritual made a little sweeter by the time of year. The holidays are fast approaching, and everyone in National City seems to buzz with cheerful anticipation.

“You’re here early,” Sam Arias, one of the other senior reporters on staff at CatCo calls out. She turns with her latte, smirking. “Don’t think it’s going to do you any favors. It’s a _random_ drawing.”

“Hey to you too, and no, that’s not why I’m here early,” Kara shoves her friend gently. “Large hot chocolate please. Extra whipped cream.”

The barista nods.

“‘Tis the season, huh?” Sam jokes. Kara collects her change and nods. She can hardly contain her smile, even if she wanted to, which she doesn’t. How can she when Christmas is weeks away and there’s fresh _hot chocolate_ in her hand?

“It’s the best time of year!” Kara exclaims. She retrieves her beverage and inhales deeply, closing her eyes and letting the chocolate scent wrap around her. It’s an instant cheerful calm, just the way she remembers from when she was younger. She sighs and opens her eyes, only to be met by Sam’s curious frown. “There’s just something about the holiday season, you know?” Kara says, shrugging. “It’s magical, even now. It’s like anything can happen.”

“Infinite possibilities,” Sam agrees, her voice wistful. “Yeah, I hear that.”

“When I first got here -- as a kid --” Kara hesitates slightly, but Sam’s eyes soften. Kara continues. “The holiday season was always such a happy time. The happiest I can remember feeling, which was a big deal back then. I’d see the trees and the lights and everyone was just in a good mood all the time. They’d actually go out of their way to be nice to each other. It reminded me that no matter what was going on, everything would eventually be okay.”

“That’s beautiful,” Sam says, smiling. She takes a sip of her drink and nods. “Ruby loves the holidays, too. Sometimes I get all wrapped up in the craziness of it all, but whenever I see her smiling I’m reminded what it’s all about.”

“See? You get it,” Kara says. There’s a small twinge of sadness that knifes its way between her ribcage, but she pushes it aside. “Hang on, why are _you_ here so early? I thought you usually drove Ruby to school.”

“Oh, I’m definitely here to be first in line to pick my secret santa,” Sam says seriously. “Random or not, I can’t risk it.” She grins, and Kara rolls her eyes. The two turn and make their way toward the office.

The lobby of CatCo is already bustling with activity, even at the early hour of 7am. Kara and Sam make their way toward the elevator, dipping through small crowds and dodging people yelling into cell phones when a flourish of movement catches Kara’s attention. She glances over just in time to see a sharp looking woman in stilettos marching through the lobby, clacking across the tile floor with authority. Her face is drawn into a scowl as the sea of people around her immediately part.

“There she goes,” Sam says, checking her watch. “Right on time. She probably didn’t even go home last night.”

They stop and stare as Lena Luthor, current senior manager of business operations, strides on by looking terrifying and important and too busy for her own existence, all at once. Kara swallows the inexplicable lump in her throat. She always seems to get tongue tied whenever she tries to put actual _words_ to the person they’re staring at. If she could, she’d write a thousand word editorial on her bone structure alone, because there’s really no other way to do it justice. And that’s just her face.

To put it plainly: Lena Luthor is more of a concept than a real person; a fantasy conjured by the most creative imagination. She can hardly be considered real, the way she materializes from thin air, always piercing and fabulous with a sharp jawline and an even sharper wit. Her intellect is beyond human capability, her net worth beyond comprehension, her entire persona beyond...everything.

Or at least, that’s what Kara’s heard. She wouldn’t actually _know_ because talking to Lena Luthor is another thing entirely. As in: it hardly ever happens, and when it does, Kara’s always so surprised by it that she has to stop and convince herself that a conversation even took place. Not the best formula for getting to know someone.

Lena Luthor is complicated. She’s cloaked in rumors, her entire existence a veiled departure from reality. Supposedly, she comes from a notorious and stupidly wealthy family, but despite the whispers and suggestions constantly swirling about business interests and scandal, she manages to remain intensely private. Kara doesn’t even know what part of town she lives in, or where she likes to go for lunch. She doesn’t know her favorite tv shows, or if she has a favorite book. Normally, she wouldn’t obsess about learning these kinds of things, but Lena is just someone that makes _everyone_ wonder. Kara has always found her fascinating, mostly because of the air of mystery, but also because of something else. Something Kara isn’t quite sure of, exactly. Maybe it’s the way she never seems to leave the office, the light burning away on her desk at all hours. Or maybe it’s the way she always seems to know the right thing to say, at exactly the right time, to command a room and make everyone take notice.

Whatever it is, there’s just something about Lena that draws her in, and makes Kara want to know _everything_.

“Think she’ll actually participate this year?” Kara asks curiously, as she watches the way Lena furiously taps at her ipad while she walks through the lobby. She doesn’t look up, except to briefly press the elevator button before returning to her work.

“Doubtful,” Sam says, shaking her head as she stares after Lena’s retreating form. The elevator doors close, hiding her from view. Sam turns back to Kara with a frown. “She’s not much for celebrating.”

“Such a shame,” Kara replies. She can’t imagine why someone would want to actively avoid holiday parties, but then again, Lena Luthor is far from ordinary. “She just seems so...lonely.”

“That’s one way to put it,” Sam says, grinning. “Or uptight and impossible. I’ve known Lena for a few years now. She’s sweet, but she’s just not into the whole socializing business.”

“You got through to her, though.”

“Yeah, but I’m me,” Sam chuckles. “And besides, we’re only close enough to be considered acquaintances. Now when I walk in a room, she actually smiles and asks me about my weekend. That took several agonizing semesters of grad school and 4 long years at this job.”

Kara rolls her eyes. She wants to say that her friend is being modest, but there’s part of her that isn’t so sure. Maybe Lena really _doesn’t_ open up, even to someone as friendly and kind as Sam. Sam Arias is one of those people that everyone adores, in that annoyingly perfect ‘has her life together but is still real enough to make you feel accepted’ kind of way. There’s not a soul around who could badmouth her, so the fact that Lena can keep her at a distance is enough to make Kara wonder. What chance would she have to break through that thick of a wall if Ms. Personality herself can’t do it?

“Kara! Can I borrow you for a minute?” a voice calls out from behind where Kara and Sam are standing. Nia Nal, one of the cub reporters comes racing up, notebooks scattered in her arms, a semi-panicked look in her eyes. “I was hoping you could take a look at these notes before I dive into this piece.”

“Of course,” Kara smiles, reaching to offer a steady arm. A notebook gets thrust in her free hand, with Nia looking on sheepishly. Nia is bright, eager, and extremely intelligent. Cat Grant herself selected her to be Kara’s mentee, and for good reason.

“See you up there,” Sam says, tapping Kara’s shoulder and offering a parting smile as she heads to the elevator.

Kara pushes all thoughts about holiday cheer and Lena Luthor out of her head, but not before taking one last look at the elevator that brought her elusive coworker upstairs.

“Let’s see what you’ve got written,” she says, giving Nia her full attention. “I bet it’s great.”

 

Xx

 

_Lena Luthor._

Kara runs her fingers over the sharpie marker lettering of her enigmatic co worker's name. _This can’t be right._

She twists the paper slightly between her fingers, half expecting it to disintegrate before her very eyes.

_Lena Luthor._

Even her name is too elegant to stare at too long.

The CatCo annual holiday party is 6 weeks away, but today is the official secret santa drawing. Kara has been looking forward to it for months, scheming and plotting for the perfect gift to dazzle whoever she should pick. She’s lucky, because most of her coworkers are also her close friends -- and the past 2 years she’s participated, she has always known exactly what to do.

Until now.

She stares up at the ceiling, searching for answers like they will reveal themselves in the plaster. All of her planning, wasted. Every list she’s made for potential recipients, irrelevant. Never in a million years does she expect Lena Luthor to participate in something as commonplace as a holiday party, and yet, here she is with the piece of paper to prove it.

“Alright, do we all have our secret santas?” Cat calls out, holding an empty glass bowl. Everyone nods. “You’ll have 6 weeks to get inspired. Remember, it’s not about what you celebrate, so spare us the particulars. This just gives you a chance to get to know your coworkers a little better. And Mr. Schott, let me take this time to remind you that I will not have the fire department on call so perhaps we can stick to store bought cheer this year? Thank you.”

“What?” Winn whispers, turning to Kara. “That’s no fun!”

“Hm?” Kara asks, still distracted by the piece of paper burning a hole in her hand.

The flowing alliteration of letters wink back, daring her to come closer, luring her into something she can’t pull away from. Kara shakes her head in disbelief.

She folds the piece of paper quickly and shoves it in her pocket, trying to hide the supreme panic she’s sure is showing on her face. _It’s fine_ , she tells herself. _Breathe._ Her sister Alex looks over with a quizzical arch of her brow and Kara tries to match it with a firm smile. On her other side, James and Winn seem preoccupied with their own selections, while Sam and Eve chat quietly to each other. Everyone else is apparently in high spirits with their choices. Kara glances across the room just in time to see Lena Luthor herself, lips pursed into a soft snarl, folding a piece of paper in her hands. She doesn’t look at anyone, or stop for idle conversation. Instead, her face is impassive as she turns abruptly away on her louboutin heel.

Kara’s heart sinks. She has somehow succeeded in picking the one person in the whole office that she knows the least about. And it isn’t for lack of trying. It’s just that _no one_ knows anything about Lena Luthor. Between her workaholic tendencies and penchant for avoiding social gatherings, she isn’t necessarily what Kara would consider “approachable”.

Fortunately, despite Kara’s inability to articulate actual words when they’re in close proximity to each other, Lena is perfectly cordial and polite whenever they do cross paths. It’s the only thing that makes this secret santa business a tiny bit less daunting. The few times Kara has seen Lena around the office -- typically in the copy room, or occasionally catching an awkward elevator together, or sharing space together for team meetings -- Lena has been kind and charming in a surprisingly soft way. It’s just that those have been very limited interactions, and never, _ever_ beyond the office.

Kara, on the other hand, along with Sam and their other coworker Eve, is part of the culture committee at CatCo, in charge of planning social events and coordinating team building activities for employees throughout the year. They try to come up with engaging excuses to get everyone together outside of the office. Kara thinks it helps ease stress and gets everyone to bond, while Sam jokes that it’s a way to drink on CatCo’s dime. Either way, they all agree that it makes the office fun, and it makes the relationships among coworkers more than just office formalities. But neither wine tastings nor cooking classes have been enough to get Lena Luthor to let loose and join the group.

Kara slinks back to her desk, trying to wrack her brain for how she’s going to handle the next several weeks. Her outlook calendar chimes with a reminder for an all-hands meeting.

A meeting that will include one Ms. Lena Luthor.

“Perfect,” Kara mumbles to herself. She’s hardly got her wits about her and now she’s actually got to be face to face with Lena and not fall apart. She gathers her laptop and notes, determined as ever to figure out a plan.

She steps into the office and notices there’s only one other person there. Because, naturally, that’s just how today is going to go. With a quick clench of her jaw, Kara decides she has to start _somewhere_.

“Hi Lena!” Kara forces a smile as she walks over to where Lena is sitting, typing away at her laptop. She takes a moment to be proud of the fact that her greeting has come out confident -- strong, but not too forward.

“Kara, how are you?” Lena replies. She slides her glasses up so they sit on her head and turns herself toward her. Her green eyes patiently fix on Kara’s, as she tilts her head like she’s studying something.

“Good! Great. Busy, you know,” Kara chuckles nervously. Lena makes her name sound so-- _expensive_. The vowels roll off her tongue and get carried off on a perfectly formed cloud of elegance, with the tiniest hint of an accent that Kara can’t quite place. The lapse in conversation begins to stretch, which doesn’t do anything to help bridge the gap of their nonexistent relationship. Kara feels the way her words seem to be slipping and she immediately regrets coming over at all.  “Did--did you get your secret santa?”

Kara knows the answer to this, but she’s starting to panic and -- and have Lena’s eyes always been so green? She’s still getting over the way Lena says her name and now she’s trying to remember if she’s ever seen Lena’s eyes up close before. It’s all too much to process.

“I did,” Lena nods with a sly smile. The way her eyes track before settling on Kara’s, almost like she’s staring _through_ her, is unnerving. “Did you?”

“I did!” Kara replies quickly. Lena waits, so Kara continues. “So... does this mean you’ll be at the party?”

“I suppose that’s exactly what that means.”

She doesn’t offer anything more, instead just staring at Kara, curiously attentive to anything else she might want to ask. Kara gulps.

“Great! Well, that’s great. It should be fun,” Kara says. She catches herself nodding enthusiastically, and she imagines she looks like a cartoon character. She stops and stares.

Cat strolls into the room a few seconds later, silently putting Kara out of her misery. She is pretty sure she’s never appreciated her boss more than right at this moment. She turns to take her seat, stopping as gentle fingers fold around her wrist.

Kara turns as Lena leans slightly closer, her eyes narrowing with a bit of a sparkle in them. “Looking forward to it,” Lena says softly, with the faintest traces of what Kara can only assume is a smile across her lips.

Kara smiles back, probably too enthusiastically, but she can’t help it. That went _well_ , all things considered. Not perfect, but not a total disaster. If she keeps this up, she’ll be finding the perfect Christmas gift for Lena in no time.

At least, she hopes.

 

Xx

 

“Wait, you’re kidding, right?” Alex asks, glancing over Kara’s shoulder. Kara startles, immediately folding up the piece of paper with Lena’s name on it. She turns and glares at her sister. “Lena Luthor? Well, good luck with _that_.”

Alex comes around and leans against Kara’s desk, throwing her an amused smile that makes Kara extra infuriated.

“That’s not helping,” Kara groans, leaning back in her chair. “How am I supposed to find out what to get for her in _six weeks_? We’ve all worked together for several years and I only know, like, her name.”

“Well that, and the fact that her perfume probably costs more than both our rents combined,” Alex offers, chuckling.

“Did I already thank you for being so helpful?” Kara tosses a balled up piece of paper, smiling when it hits her sister between the eyes.

“I am helpful!” Alex argues, crossing her arms. “You’re not going to be able to afford anything she wants anyway, so why not just get a gift card for the spend limit?”

“Oh, how  _thoughtful_.”

They sit in silence for a few moments. Alex knows her sister is going to obsess over this for the rest of time, so she can either choose to help her now, or get roped into doing something ridiculous later. She glances at Kara again, shaking her head when she sees the crinkled lines on her forehead which she knows is a classic Kara sign for fretting.

“If only you could find a way to ask her what she wants for Christmas,” Alex says a few minutes later, thinking out loud more than actually offering anything substantial. “Without actually _asking_ her.”

She knows she’s stating the obvious, but Kara’s eyes widen as she stares at her computer.

“Alex, that’s it!” she cries out. She begins furiously typing, while Alex stares dumbly over her shoulder. Once the account is set up, Kara turns the screen to her sister. “Done!”

“Another e-mail address? What’s that for?” Alex asks.

“You’re a genius! I’m going to use it to figure out what to get her for Christmas. To ask her without actually _asking_ her,” Kara explains, peering through the glass doors into Lena’s office. Lena is heads down, all business, her forehead furrowed as she studies her laptop. She looks intense, almost angry, and Kara wonders what has her about to put her fist through her computer.

“That’s not what I--”

“No it’s perfect!” Kara glances back at Alex. She wants to convey the importance of this without going into a whole proclamation about how special the holidays are to her. Instead she settles with, “I want it to be perfect.”

“And you can’t just get a simple gift basket and call it day because…?” Alex asks, frowning.

“Because it’s Lena!” Kara exclaims. Her eyes automatically dart back to Lena’s office, where she is still oblivious to the fact that she’s the topic of extracurricular conversation. “Because it’s Lena,” Kara says again, softer this time. “I want her to have something special. I just feel like she could use it.”

“You take your secret santa duties very seriously,” Alex says, her eyebrow raising. “Where was this effort when you drew my name last year?”

“Oh, come on! You loved your gift! That’s not even fair!”

“And you can’t just try to get to know her as you?”

“No!” Kara argues. “She’ll know immediately that I’m her secret santa and then it’ll be ruined! This way, I can still be me, without being… ya know. Me.”

“Great. So, what are you going to do if she finds out?” Alex asks, smirking slightly like she just _knows_ how this is going to go.

“Why do you always think of our glass as half empty?” Kara asks, annoyed that her sister immediately thinks this is going to blow up in their faces. This is all for a good cause, Kara reasons to herself. Besides, it’s only for six weeks.

How much can happen in six weeks?

“She’s not going to find out,” Kara declares, turning back to her laptop to finish setting up her new e-mail account.

“If who finds out what?” Sam interrupts, walking over with a goofy smile as she leans on Kara’s desk.

“Nothing!” Kara immediately exclaims. Sam’s eyes narrow in her direction.

“Oh come on! Is this about secret santa? Who do you have?” she asks, nudging to take a look at Kara’s screen. Kara shuts her laptop with a loud thwack.  

“I can’t tell you! It’ll ruin the surprise! Don’t you guys have work to do?”

“You’re no fun,” Sam complains. She turns to Alex with a grin. “Alright, alright. But I’m just coming over to remind you guys about dinner tonight. 7pm at that tapas place downtown. You’re still coming, right?”

“Definitely,” Alex replies, running her fingers through her hair. Kara smiles at her older sister’s nervous habit despite herself. She knows Alex has it _bad_ for Sam, and she’s fairly confident it isn’t one-sided. She hopes the two of them realize it soon so she can stop trying to interfere. She’s already attempted  to set them up without them knowing on more than one occasion, but they’re both too oblivious for their own good and Kara only has so much time in the day.

Especially now.

“Yep,” Kara casts another look at Lena’s office, before returning her attention to Sam. “We’ll be there.”

If she’s lucky, this holiday -- a time already known for magic and wonder -- will bring about some much needed changes in her life. Before she begins to pack away her things and close up for the night, silently, Kara makes two wishes: first, one for Alex, that she can finally take the leap to ask Sam on a proper date and get the happiness she so desperately deserves. And one for herself, that she’ll be clever enough to get some much needed answers about the one person in the office that constantly eludes her.

Who knows, she may just make a new friend in the process. ‘Tis the season, after all.

 

Xx

 

As soon as she gets home from dinner, she sits on her couch and fires up her laptop. Her apartment is small and cheerful and comforting, which are all the things Kara loves about the holidays. Currently, it’s the perfect combination of deck the halls and silver bells, with soft white lights twinkling from their carefully hung position around her window and dishes filled with candy canes placed in intervals around the space. A poinsettia plant sits front and center on her dining room table, the rich red leaves vibrant and wine-kissed. Her Christmas tree is off in the corner and even though it’s small, with a makeshift skirt that Alex contributed from a pile of discarded clothing, it makes up for it in personality. There are a few ornaments -- all sentimental, either trinkets from trips or gifts from friends -- that adorn the branches. Kara loves them all because each one comes with a story. She grins as she stares at the one from Sam -- _“In Metropolis they hail taxis, in Napa we hail cabs!” --_ given to her after a trip to the wine country.  All of it comes together under a star that sits perched carefully at the top, a cherished family heirloom, with an engraving that resembles an ‘S’ in the middle.

Despite living alone, Kara decorates her loft as soon as remotely acceptable -- sometimes before then, if she’s able -- bringing out her holiday kitchen accessories and swapping her door mat for a santa and reindeer replacement. It’s a way to be close to her favorite things; it’s a way for her to be reminded of the things she used to have once, practically a lifetime ago.

These are the nights she misses her family the most. Her parents might still be out there, somewhere. They sent her away when she was only 10 to get her out of the war torn and ravaged city of Krypton, on the other side of the globe, an entire world away. She didn’t want to go -- she remembers her mother’s somber face and the way her father told her to be brave. It was a horrible age to be pulled from everything she had ever known, because she was too young to really understand, but too old to act like she didn’t. She wasn’t sure what was going to happen to her, or to her family, but she knew she had no choice. There wasn’t much time to think things through, because it all sort of happened very quickly after that. She was supposed to stay with her cousin, who had already relocated here, but she never made it to him. The details get fuzzy from then on, with huge gaps in her memory. All she can remember is an explosion, and fiery violent heat. Then dark, black, nothing.

When she woke up in a hospital, Dr. Eliza Danvers told her the plane crash happened weeks ago and she was lucky to be alive. Eliza was patient, and gentle, and she nursed Kara back to health, and then eventually back to herself. When it was time to be released and she realized she had nowhere else to go, Eliza took her in.

She has a new family, now. Only they aren’t really new. She’s been with the Danvers longer than she was ever with her real parents, she realizes. She thinks about Eliza, with her brilliant mind and kind smiles; overprotective but only to the point of making Kara feel safe. She thinks about Alex, her idol, her partner in crime, her best friend; the older sister she never knew she wanted -- who hated her back then -- but who aligns herself so fiercely with Kara now that their rocky start seems like a great work of fiction. They managed to make her feel welcomed and loved, so much that she almost forgot the pain.

She almost forgot to be lonely.

The holidays are a great reminder of everything she is thankful for, but even though it brings her the most joy, it comes with a solemn price. There is always going to be something missing, and Kara feels it with every smile, and every Christmas carol she sings. She feels the hole inside her heart, and even though it’s smaller now as the years have gone by, she knows it will never be the same. The only way to truly heal is to show love and gratefulness to everyone around her: to shower them with hope and give them a reason to keep believing.

It’s why finding the perfect gifts for the people in her life are about so much more than material possessions.

She crosses her legs and burrows into her cozy sweater as she begins to compose a very important email. She stares at the screen for what feels like hours before convincing herself that this is a good idea. What’s the worst that can happen? Lena either rejects it completely, or doesn’t respond. She’ll never know it’s Kara, so even if it flops, there will be no _real_ consequences. Kara will just be reduced to prying information about Lena from Sam.

That doesn’t seem so bad.

She stares at her message again. Should she ask more questions? She erases a few lines. Probably not. It’s better to be concise. She feels like Lena would appreciate that.

She thought talking to Lena through e-mail would be easier, given that she could actually craft her responses, but this is proving to be just as challenging. Nothing ever seems good enough.

Finally, she re-reads her short and sweet little message for what feels like the hundredth time.

 **secretsanta@gmail.com** : Dear Lena: What are some of your favorite things? -Your secret santa

Kara erases it again, her finger slamming the backspace key with authority. This is stupid. Alex was right, this is going to blow up in her face. A gift card isn’t the _worst_ idea for a secret santa gift.

But then she pictures Lena, opening a card in front of the entire office, with a generic acknowledgement of the holidays -- one that says, _“I ran out of time and this is all I could do”_ \-- and her stomach sinks.

“Ugh, whatever, I’m just going to do it,” she mumbles, re-typing the message. Before she can talk herself out of it, she presses send, exhaling fully as she does. Good.

Then, her actions sink in. She immediately closes her laptop in a complete state of panic. Her heart hammers in her chest. She’s way too nervous at the prospect of a response, and too excited at the idea that Lena might actually take the time to craft one. She can’t just stare at her inbox all night waiting for acknowledgement or she’ll absolutely lose it.

 _I really just did that_ , Kara thinks, the alarm bells going off in her head urgently. She leaps off the couch and begins to pace, going back and forth between congratulating herself and wanting to disappear. She pulls a container of ice cream from the freezer and pries open the lid so forcefully that it pops up and falls to the ground. She grabs a spoon and starts stabbing into the hardened ice cream, not bothering to wait for it to warm.

Her phone dings 20 minutes later, which causes the spoon and the carton to fall to the floor with a clatter. Kara yelps as she reaches for her phone with shaking hands, afraid to see who the message is from.

[ **l.luthor@catco.com** ](mailto:l.luthor@catco.com) **Re: Favorite things** : Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens.

She reads it several times, just to make sure she’s not going crazy.

“I don’t get it,” Kara mumbles to herself. She puts her phone down and picks the ice cream carton off the ground. How would someone pick _that_ as their favorite thing? Does she want a cat? Flowers...that are wet? None of it makes sense, and while she’s happy Lena replied, she has no idea how to even proceed from here. Not to mention that on top of it all, she’s now got ice cream all over her floor. What a waste.

She cleans everything up and takes a screenshot to send off to Alex with the only caption she can come up with -- a detailed _“??”_ \--  before throwing herself back on the couch in exasperation.

Her phone chimes.

Alex: Oh my god. Those are lyrics from the sound of music. Pretentious much?

Kara: It’s from a movie?

Alex: Yes - google the song. Not that it’s going to help you whatsoever.

Kara: Thanks.

Kara quickly finds the song and listens to it in its entirety. One time, two times, a third just to be sure. She can’t understand the meaning, exactly. Well, no. On the surface, she _gets_ it. A few of her favorite things. The song itself is beautiful, with a strange kind of melancholy undertone. She just doesn’t understand why Lena picked it to reference. Is it a clue? Is she playing along? Is it a joke?

_Is she only toying with me, hellbent on torturing me further?_

The last one is a bit dramatic, Kara admits. She doesn’t know much about Lena, but she doubts she’s the torturing type. Sam once let it slip that Lena’s name is on the children’s wing of the hospital that she had Ruby at, which is fascinating. Kara is pretty sure it isn’t just money that put it there. Of course, it could be, but Lena just seems… more genuine than that.

Kara stares at her blank e-mail response and watches as the cursor blinks patiently back at her. She wants to be witty. She _can_ be witty, if she tries. She’s a journalist, for heaven’s sake. And a damn good one. She pulls up the lyrics to “My Favorite Things” and nods confidently before starting to type.

“You want to play games, Lena?” Kara asks out loud, grinning as the words begin to flow. “I can do that.”

She hits send.

 **secretsanta@gmail.com** : I’m more of a cream colored ponies and crisp apple strudel fan, myself.

A few minutes later, her inbox shows a new arrival.

 **L.luthor@catco.com** : I admire your due diligence, santa. Alright. Since ponies are a bit above the price range, I’ll make it easy for you. For Christmas, you can get me a planner.

Kara frowns as she fires off a quick reply.

 **secretsanta@gmail.com** : Practical...but not very festive.

 **l.luthor@catco.com** : What can I say? I’m a bit more Scrooge, a bit less Mr. Cratchit.

This one Kara knows. She smiles as she types.

 **secretsanta@gmail.com** : Yet you’ve seen all the movies…

Lena replies just as quickly.

 **l.luthor@catco.com** : Busted.

“I’ll learn about you yet, Lena Luthor,” Kara mumbles to herself, closing her laptop. “Just you wait.”

 

Xx

 

At first, she thinks it’s a joke. A spam e-mail that somehow got through her perfectly coded filter. In fact, it _shouldn’t_ have gotten through her filter, which is just another thing she’s going to have to fix later. But somehow, the e-mail snuck through, and somehow, she isn’t entirely convinced that it’s fake.

 **Subject** : Favorite Things.

Lena reads it several times, just to be sure. Who could possibly want to go through this extra effort -- _for her_?

This is the first year she’s decided to actually participate in one of Cat’s ridiculous office traditions. Sure, she’s thought about it before, but Lena much prefers to keep her business and her personal life separate. As far as she’s concerned, the two should never, ever interact. If her brother’s mistakes have taught her anything, it’s that there needs to be separation. Layers. A person needs layers. She can’t be the same version of Lena to everyone she meets, or she will be vulnerable. The consequences of the wrong person getting too close, knowing too much-- it could be disastrous. But if she wants this promotion…

She sighs. Cat Grant plays hard ball, she’ll give her that. It’s one of the reasons why Lena has stuck around so long.

“I need you to show me that you can be a team player,” Cat had said, pulling her into a 1 on 1 meeting. “You’re the top candidate for VP of operations, but you need to show me that you _care_.”

“Cat, I care about this job more than anything,” Lena had argued. “You know this. CatCo is everything to me.”

“I never said anything about the job,” Cat said, rolling her eyes. “Lena, your work ethic and brilliance is hardly the question. What I need to see from you is your _heart_ . Show me who _you_ are. Show your coworkers they can count on you. You need to be more than a boss, you need to be a human being.”

Lena scowls at the reminder. She’s not a robot. She _has_ feelings. Just not feelings she cares to share with everyone, thank you very much. But Cat has challenged her to do this, and well, that’s one thing Lena can’t back down from.

It’s how she got roped into this secret santa thing in the first place. She’s not big on holidays; parties and gifts and traditions seem like huge wastes of time. But then again, maybe if her family resembled normalcy in any sense of the word, she would find the season jovial, too. But she doesn’t. So, in a way to show herself to be empathetic and _not_ like her family, she is trying something new.

She just never expected to fall into _this_.

“Alright, secret santa,” Lena says, typing out a response. “I’ll play along with your game.”

 

Xx

 

Kara expects that talking to Lena this way will be like pulling teeth -- that she’ll have to needle and pry to come up with just the right combination of delicate and precise in order to get somewhere. But Lena is...surprising. Once again, Kara is unable to wrap her mind around any concept of Lena Luthor. Every time she thinks she knows how she will react or respond, Lena seems to do the opposite. In this case, it works in Kara’s favor, as it seems like Lena rather likes the idea of secret santa -- at least enough to entertain it. To entertain _her_. Kara smiles at the thought.

There has to be a catch, Kara thinks. There’s no way Lena is actually down to Earth and approachable, right? But the fact remains that in a single night, Lena has already typed more words than she has ever spoken aloud to Kara in all the time they’ve worked together.

When Kara wakes up, she groggily grabs at her phone, first to shut the alarm and then to check through all the updates she may have missed during the night. It’s true what Cat always says: the news really never sleeps. As she paws clumsily to unlock it, the little notification badge by her _other_ e-mail account instantly jars her more fully awake. She blinks away all traces of sleep and sits up straight, her heart pounding. It could be spam, she tells herself, trying to talk herself down. But she _knows_. It’s weird, the feeling she has in her gut, but there’s just an undeniable tug that Kara doesn’t question.

Sure enough, there’s a message from Lena, completely unprompted, sent at 4:30 AM.

Kara smiles in spite of herself. Either Lena doesn’t sleep, or Kara’s messages were the first thing on Lena’s mind this morning.

[ **l.luthor@catco.com** ](mailto:l.luthor@catco.com): I find it incredibly interesting that you went through all this trouble to make an e-mail address just for a secret santa exchange.

She doesn’t expand beyond that, but Kara knows her plan is working. Lena is curious about _her_ now -- well, not her, exactly. Not Kara Danvers the way Lena would actually know her. But still, it’s definitely something.

Kara ponders briefly before coming up with a response.

[ **secretsanta@gmail.com** ](mailto:secretsanta@gmail.com): Well, it’s like Ms. Grant said - it’s a chance to get to know your coworkers! And I really want to get you something for Christmas that you’ll actually like.

[ **l.luthor@catco.com** ](mailto:l.luthor@catco.com): I already told you what to get me, so that part is easy.

[ **secretsanta@gmail.com** ](mailto:secretsanta@gmail.com): Then I guess we’re at the ‘getting to know you’ part. :)

[ **l.luthor@catco.com** ](mailto:l.luthor@catco.com): I guess we are.

Kara glances at her watch and startles, realizing she’s going to be late. She scurries around her apartment grabbing clothes in a rush as she dips into the bathroom to get ready. When she finally arrives at work, disheveled and only ten minutes late, she opens her laptop and tries to think of something else to say.

She drums her fingers along her desk, her mind blank and decidedly un-clever. She wishes she had coffee. In her rush this morning, she completely forgot to get some.

[ **secretsanta@gmail.com** ](mailto:secretsanta@gmail.com): We’ll start with something easy. How do you take your coffee?

Kara leans back in her chair, satisfied. An easy question, and hardly invasive. But it’s absolutely a tidbit of information she _should_ know about someone. Especially someone she works with. She thinks about all the times she’s seen Lena around the office, and how she’s usually carrying coffee cups in various stages of consumption throughout the day. There’s no way someone that addicted to caffeine doesn’t have a preference.

[ **l.luthor@catco.com** ](mailto:l.luthor@catco.com): Black, always. You?

Kara sighs.

[ **secretsanta@gmail.com** ](mailto:secretsanta@gmail.com) **:** Again, practical, and not very festive. Is that a theme?

PS - I really love lattes. The sweeter the better.

“So, how goes the super sleuthing?” Alex asks, sneaking up behind Kara and causing her to practically jump out of her seat. Her sister has a nasty habit of appearing without warning, and even though she should be used to it by now, it always catches her off guard. Especially when she’s distracted. Kara is usually really good about hearing things -- Winn and Sam always tease that she’s part dog for her unusually perceptive ears -- but Alex somehow manages to weasle around undetected. She fumbles to switch browser windows quickly, before turning to face her sister.

“Alex! I swear, one of these days you’re going to give me a heart attack!”

“It’s too easy,” Alex laughs, patting Kara on the shoulder. She comes around and leans against her desk. “So? Clearly you’re busy with _something._ ”

Kara flashes a proud smile and nods. “As a matter of fact, I am! And _you_ thought I couldn’t be an investigative reporter.”

“I never said that!” Alex protests. “I just said you weren’t particularly stealthy.”

“Same thing,” Kara scoffs. “How does it feel to be proven wrong?”

“So you already know what you’re getting her?” Alex raises her eyebrow, unconvinced.

“Do you guys ever work?” Sam calls out, coming around the corner with a tray of coffee. She hands a latte to Kara and a coffee to Alex.

“You’re the best ever, and I mean it,” Kara says, grabbing the cup gratefully.  

“Oh, wow, coffee, thanks Sam,” Alex says, tentatively grabbing hers. “H-How’s that story coming along?”

“The one you asked me about an hour ago?” Sam teases. Alex’s face flushes but Sam just smiles. “No status to report. I’m hoping the coffee will kick it into gear.”

Kara watches their awkward exchange and smiles. Alex is always so put together, so tough and strong and confident, that it’s funny to watch her melt into a puddle around someone. People don’t make Alex nervous. If anything, she makes _them_ nervous, with intimidating scowls and words that bite a little more than they should. But something about Sam softens her up, and makes her timid and overly aware of herself. It would be nice for Alex to have someone like Sam -- someone who can definitely challenge her, but who can appreciate Alex’s softer side. Kara knows Sam would get a kick out of Alex doting on her, but she’s also fairly confident Sam would do plenty of doting on her own.

Alex clears her throat and Kara realizes no one is speaking. She hurries to interject. “I think my sister means to ask how _you’re_ doing, but, you know… words are hard,” Kara suggests. Alex flashes her a death glare -- one that seems to suggest _‘you’re one to talk’ -_ but Kara just brushes it aside by pretending to adjust her glasses.

“I’m doing great,” Sam replies, scrunching her nose at Alex. “Thanks for sort of asking.”

“Well, I’ve got -- things--” Alex mumbles, hastily retreating. “Meetings and things. So many meetings.”

“Enjoy your meetings,” Sam says cheerfully. “And things.”

“You too,” Alex replies. “I mean, I will.”

Once Alex is out of earshot, Sam pivots and turns her attention to Kara. She runs her fingers through her hair before glancing over her shoulder once more, verifying that the coast is clear. Kara waits.

“So your sister,” Sam starts, slowly. She fumbles through some papers on Kara’s desk, vaguely glancing through them, but Kara isn’t convinced she’s really paying attention. She looks back at Kara with emphasis. “She likes motorcycles.”

“And guns,” Kara replies lazily.

“And guns,” Sam repeats, nodding before the words catch up to her. “Wait, what?”

“I’m kidding,” Kara chuckles. “Well, sort of.”

“Define ‘sort of’,” Sam says, her eyes narrowing.

“In her previous life, Alex was in the army,” Kara explains. “She was part of the special forces. The cool gadgets were probably her favorite part of the whole thing.”

It was all her favorite, Kara wants to say. But she doesn’t. She’s probably said too much already. Alex’s former occupation isn’t a _secret_ , necessarily. Just something she doesn’t talk about much with people she isn’t really, really close to. And Kara knows Alex would have her own explanation and version of events that she’d want to tell Sam about.

Her sister would have continued down the special forces path probably forever if it wasn’t for a nasty injury that shook her up and sort of knocked her whole life off course -- or on, depending on perspective. Either way, the down time forced her to consider the future, which Kara admits she’s selfishly thankful for. Not that Alex isn’t strong enough for the army. On the contrary, her sister was the most badass special agent out there. But Kara always hated the idea of losing someone else that she considers family, more than she liked the pride of witnessing Alex’s success.

When it was all said and done, Alex had decided to take a step back; to pivot her career plans into something a little more sustainable. She admitted to Kara that what she wants most out of the future is to be a mom. And, in recognizing that, she also recognized that her current job of choice wasn’t the most conducive for that to be her life.

Kara remembers vividly the nights Alex spent agonizing over her decision, lamenting over consequences and wishing for an answer. But ultimately, she couldn’t deny what she already knew, and that was how much it would mean to her to raise a child. Kara feels a pang of guilt, because she knows she’s had a heavy influence on Alex’s decision. Her sister saw firsthand everything Kara went through without her family, and she’s convinced it’s why Alex feels the need to choose a career path that is a little safer, a little more guaranteed.

She doesn’t want to be in a situation where her child will be forced to be alone, like Kara.

“She never mentioned that,” Sam says softly, shaking her head. Kara brings herself out of her thoughts and studies Sam’s reaction, appreciating the fact that she seems almost impressed. “Guess that explains the special assignments.”

Kara nods, the pride warming her chest. When Alex finally made her decision to leave the army for good, Kara had tried her best to help her land a job. When she mentioned Alex’s skillset to Cat, her boss took an immediate interest in bringing her sister on as a special correspondent. It doesn’t come without a little risk, but Kara knows her sister could never turn that part of herself off completely. She appreciates that her older sister now has some balance. Besides, now they get to work together, which is one of  Kara’s favorite things… on most days.

“Well, what else should I know about her?” Sam asks, glancing down at the floor and acting nonchalant. Kara almost laughs.

“You know, you could just ask her yourself. She’d tell you anything you wanted to know,” Kara says, trying to emphasize the _anything_. She can tell Sam is angling for information, and even though she’s sure it has to do with secret santa, she hopes it has to do with more.

“Yeah, I know, but I can’t be obvious,” Sam intones, looking at Kara expectantly.

Kara sighs. These two are going to be the death of her. But, she still wants to help in any way she can so as an after thought she responds, “She also really loves scotch.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Sam says with a satisfied nod. She places her hand over Kara’s.“Thanks, Kara.”

When Sam leaves, Kara turns back to her e-mail.

[ **l.luthor@catco.com** ](mailto:l.luthor@catco.com): You catch on quick.

PS - Sweet lattes. Why am I not surprised?

She shakes her head. She glances up from her desk to where Lena is sitting, staring at her computer. She’s focused and unsmiling, her eyes narrowed in concentration. Kara grins, going back to her e-mail to send another note.

[ **secretsanta@gmail.com** ](mailto:secretsanta@gmail.com): So, Lena. Do you have any favorite holiday traditions?

Kara presses send, then glances back toward Lena’s direction. She notices the way her eyes shift, and she smiles at the way Lena’s face softens when she reads her screen. Kara watches the small trace of a smile appear in the corner of her lips -- and just as quickly, she watches it completely disappear. Lena’s jaw clenches and she turns back to serious, firing off a quick reply with snappy precision. The entire transaction feels cold and aloof. Kara waits anxiously.

[ **l.luthor@catco.com** ](mailto:l.luthor@catco.com): Not really. Christmas in my family is not something we actively celebrate.

Kara frowns. She isn’t sure what to say to that. There’s clearly more to the story. There usually is when it comes to the Luthor family, but she doesn’t want to push. Not yet. Not when she’s made this much progress. It’s a very precarious arrangement she’s working with, and one wrong word can shatter it. But the comment nags at her -- the way Lena says it so stiffly, with so little emotion. Before Kara can think of a follow up, Lena sends another message.

[ **l.luthor@catco.com** ](mailto:l.luthor@catco.com): Do you? What are your favorite traditions, santa?

Kara leans back in her chair. For some reason, the first thing that comes to her mind is not the Christmas mornings spent with Alex, frantically tearing open gifts and chasing each other around the house with whatever toys they had gotten. It isn’t Eliza putting a roast in the oven, or the Christmas movies on TV. It isn’t even the fire crackling as she dozes by the tree, the twinkling lights the last thing she sees between falling heavy lids.

Instead, it’s Krypton. Or what she can gather from her memory, anyway. It’s confusing. There are faces she doesn’t really recognize anymore -- blurry, and just out of reach -- holding her hand as she glides along the floor. There’s music playing, an organ of some sort, a comforting melody that sounds vaguely familiar. There’s a banquet hall, and flowers, so many flowers; there are bouquets and baskets and garlands all combining together, adorning the halls in the richest reds and brightest whites.

Everyone is dressed in silky formal attire, flowing and soft with gentle pastel colors. There’s a large tree in the middle, but it isn’t a traditional Christmas tree. In Krypton, it was a giving tree, a symbol of innovation and advancement. The belief was it would give back and thrive in accordance with what they put in. It’s the shape of a willow, with hanging branches that twist and swirl like tendrils of horse hair. There are lights and ribbons woven throughout, and sweet fruits hanging from the vines.

Kara remembers smells of cinnamon and honey; lavender and cardamom, and she remembers sneaking baskets of sticky bread under the table, and dancing until her feet hurt.

She remembers her parents, their smiling faces and the family crest pressed into their garments. It’s a symbol she remembers with pride, but keeps mostly in secret: the house of El -- similar to a letter S -- bold and emblazoned on their chests.

Alex is the only person she’s ever really told about Krypton. Even her cousin, who she finally found after several years of searching, doesn’t understand, and doesn’t seem to have an interest. So she doesn’t know why she feels the need to tell Lena.

But she does.

[ **secretsanta@gmail.com** ](mailto:secretsanta@gmail.com): We had slightly different traditions where I’m from. The whole community used to gather together for a holiday festival. There’d be music and dancing, and more food than you can possibly imagine. At midnight, we’d exchange gifts. Small things, just little tokens. The elders would read some of our sacred texts. It was all very beautiful. I like the way we celebrate here, too - Christmas cookies are a world wonder! - but my favorite will always be the traditions back home.

[ **l.luthor@catco.com** ](mailto:l.luthor@catco.com): I have to say, I’m a little jealous. I’ve never heard of anything quite like that, but it all sounds spectacular.

It was, Kara wants to say. It really was.

Another message interrupts her thoughts.

[ **l.luthor@catco.com** ](mailto:l.luthor@catco.com): Do you miss it?

It’s not the question Kara expects, and she stops to consider. She figures Lena will ask where she’s from, or about her hometown, not… how she feels about being gone. But the question hardly anyone knows to ask is there, written out and staring at her, begging to be answered.

She marvels at how easy it is to open up to a relative stranger. Lena isn’t a _complete_ stranger, but still, the conversation feels rather intimate for someone she’s talked to only a handful of times in real life. But Lena responds in a way that makes Kara feel almost safe. Like she cares. That, coupled with the fact that Kara can hide behind the screen, and pour her heart out to someone who can’t see her face, makes her acknowledge feelings she has never let herself express out loud before.

[ **secretsanta@gmail.com** ](mailto:secretsanta@gmail.com): All the time. But I’m thankful to be here now.

“Whatcha reading?” Winn asks, sliding his chair over to Kara’s screen.

“Nothing!” Kara yelps, minimizing her screen. Everyone _needs_ to stop sneaking up on her.

“Staff meeting - 5 minutes!” James calls out across the room. “We’ve got some breaking news and we need all hands!”

“Guess that’s our cue!” Kara turns to Winn with a smile. “You ready?”

The rest of the day is crammed with meetings and research, as everyone in the office works frantically to meet an almost impossible deadline. It isn’t until Kara gets home and finally collapses on her couch around 10pm that she’s able to check her e-mail again.

She smiles when she sees a simple reply from Lena.

[ **l.luthor@catco.com** ](mailto:l.luthor@catco.com): I’m rather glad you’re here, too.

When she falls asleep, she dreams of her parents, and the ancient giving tree of Krypton -- which looks a familiar and intense shade of green that Kara wakes up missing.

 

Xx

 

The next morning, Kara gets to work at the ungodly hour of 6am. If it was for any other reason, she would be horrendously grumpy, but today she’s on a mission. She’s cautiously optimistic that Lena won’t be there yet, but Kara can count the number of times she’s seen Lena’s office empty on one hand. If she’s already there and hard at work, Kara knows she’ll have to come up with some other ridiculous plan to circumvent running into her. One that probably involves building security codes and being lowered from the ceiling. She wonders if Alex would be willing to keep watch…

Ok, Kara. One step at a time. She really, really hopes it doesn’t come to that.

The holiday party is still several weeks away, but Kara wants to surprise Lena with something small, to hopefully get her more in the spirit. Somehow, she feels personally responsible for her holiday cheer, and since that seems to be lacking, Kara wants to heal that in any way she can.

The light is on in Lena’s office, but as Kara gets closer, she realizes that the place is deserted. Kara walks by her door several times, pausing for several seconds each time in order to glance around the hallway. After a silent 30 seconds and before she can lose her nerve, she decides the coast is clear and quickly ducks inside. The office is practically untouched-- if Kara didn’t see Lena every day, she would think it to be vacant. Everything is crisp, clean, and decidedly bland. There aren’t any pictures, no unnecessary fanfare or suggestions at hobbies. The only thing that Kara recognizes as a personal touch seems to be a black and white chessboard with polished pieces sitting on a table, and an expensive looking decanter filled a quarter of the way with golden scotch. There are a few books neatly shelved, and a small vase on the pristinely kept desk that contain pure white flowers. Kara runs her fingers gently along the silky smooth petals, smiling as she feels the way they almost melt in her hands. They feel rare and exquisite, and for a whole combination of reasons, they remind her of her mother.

She leaves her gift right next to Lena’s laptop. Satisfied, she backs out of Lena’s office slowly, closing the door as quietly as possible.

“By my calculations you are 5 weeks, 3 days, 4 hours and 17 minutes early,” a voice close to her ear announces.

“Come again?” Kara startles, looking around frantically. She relaxes when she realizes it’s just Querl -- or Brainy, as everyone calls him; the nickname attributed to his ridiculousy advanced computer skills -- staring at her patiently. “Brainy! You scared me!”

“My apologies. You are early for the exchange of secret claus!” he exclaims, gesturing grandly to the ceiling.

“Secret santa?” Kara asks, confused. Brainy, for all his brilliance, has an adorable tendency to misconstrue most slang terms. It drives Alex crazy, but it’s one of Kara’s favorite things about him.

“Yes, that,” he corrects, quieter this time. He nods to himself, like he’s committing it to memory. Kara frowns, suddenly remembering she’s been caught red-handed leaving a gift for Lena. Quickly, she tries to recover.

“Oh, this isn’t a secret santa gift,” Kara fumbles, trying to avoid making more of a scene. She remembers that they’re still outside of Lena’s office and hurries to steer Brainy in another direction. “I--uh-- it’s a delivery. From downstairs? I was just bringing it up for--” Kara waves her hand dismissively. “You know what, nevermind. Let’s go get some coffee, I think you could use some coffee.”

“I have had 4 coffees already this morning,” Brainy says automatically. He pauses, contemplating. “But a 5th certainly sounds tempting.”

He allows Kara to steer him toward the elevator, just as the familiar sound of high heels come clacking around the corner.

 

Xx

 

Lena knows someone has been in her office, even before she enters the corridor. She can just sense it. The hairs on the back of her neck prickle with fear, as she quickens her pace toward her destination. She shouldn’t have left it unlocked. She knows better. What a foolish mistake. As a rule, no matter what time it is, when she leaves her office, she locks the door. No exceptions. These days, you can never be too careful. Naturally, her default reaction is to expect the worst -- a gift from her family, she thinks wryly. She’s filled with all sorts of images now: someone trying to steal something; someone prying for information and finding just the right combination to start a fiasco. She clenches her jaw as she opens the door, fully prepared to find everything inside disheveled and broken.

Instead, she’s greeted by nothing but pristine silence and a small, symmetrical Christmas tree.

She exhales in a huff, slamming her door a little too loudly to be an accident. She’s teetering on the edge of losing it. When she rounds her desk, she frowns at the object, the suspicion twisting in her gut once again. But is it safe? Is it a trick? She _should_ throw it out, immediately. She can already hear her mother’s voice in her head: _How can you be so careless, Lena?_

But she can’t help but wonder...

The tree mocks her sour mood with cheerful miniature ornaments of gold that sparkle and wink back at her. She knows better, but before she can dispose of it, she finds the little card perched in the branches. She pulls it off and reads it.

_“Thought you could use some holiday cheer - Your secret santa.”_

“Of course,” Lena shakes her head, closing the card and placing it down on her desk. She takes her seat and chuckles to herself, embarrassed by her unnecessary and dramatic reaction. “You _would_ do that.”

A knock on the door interrupts her thoughts. Lena glances up and nods, allowing Eve to walk into her office.

“Oh, wow, nice tree!” Eve exclaims, pointing to Lena’s desk. “Christmas came a little early, huh?”

“Yeah,” Lena muses, glancing back at the tree again. “Yeah, I guess it did.”

“Festive! Anyway, I brought these files over that you asked for yesterday,” Eve explains, placing them on Lena’s desk. Lena studies them quickly and then returns Eve’s smile. “Is there anything else?”

“No, that’ll be all,” Lena replies quickly. “Thanks, Eve.”

Normally, Lena would dive headfirst back into her work, but instead she finds herself staring at the little tree on her desk. She can’t explain the feeling, exactly. She’s flattered, honestly, that someone in the office thinks she’s worth all this extra effort, but the doubt claws at her. There has to be something else. No one drew her name out of that bowl and decided to be _grateful_ for it. She wishes she wasn’t so cynical, but she’s never had much luck with people actually being what they seem.

But it’s more than that. Somehow, she’s developed a connection with someone here, and despite her best intentions, she can’t seem to keep them at a proper distance. Eventually, she’s going to learn who this person is and then everything is going to be different. The worst part about it is not that her mystery gift giver will be revealed. The worst part is that after the holidays, will there be anything left?

Lena sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose in frustration.

Why does everything always have to be so complicated?

 

Xx

 

She wouldn’t say she _expects_ a thank you, but even still, Kara checks her phone repeatedly for the rest of the morning. She just wants Lena to acknowledge that she received it, or maybe share that it did what Kara intended. Kara imagines Lena’s face when she realizes someone left her a gift, and it makes her feel like she’s floating. She only hopes she didn’t overstep Lena’s many boundaries. This is Lena she’s thinking about. Lena, who doesn’t have any friends that Kara knows about, and -- her heart drops. Has she made a horrible mistake? She technically _trespassed_. Would Lena be offended? She’s extremely private, and Kara didn’t even really think about the fact that she just entered her space without an invitation.

Did one tiny misstep ruin everything before it truly got a chance to get started?

Before her anxiety can get anxiety, her phone finally chimes, with a simple response from Lena that puts all her woes to bed.

 **L.Luthor says** : Thank you for the gift. I love it.

“Kara Danvers, follow me--” Cat calls out, two fingers beckoning her swiftly to keep up. Kara adjusts her glasses and straightens her sweater before gathering her bag. She tries to push all thoughts about Lena Luthor to the back of her mind, making room for a new set of doubts and troubles. Cat Grant hardly calls her into her office without a detailed explanation.

Kara waits for it to come, but Cat marches on in silence so Kara follows obediently. The one thing Cat won’t tolerate is being kept waiting.

They start down the hallway. Kara tries to pick up her pace to match Cat’s before she realizes where they’re going.  

“Knock knock Ms. Luthor, this way please--” Cat says again, barely pausing by Lena’s door to tap on it before continuing on her way. Kara glances inside and sees Lena stand up abruptly, studying both of them as she follows.

“Do you know what this--” Lena starts, at the same time Kara asks “Why are we--”. Kara chuckles and shrugs, and Lena’s face softens as she nods. A brief moment of understanding passes between the two, as they continue toward Cat’s office.

“Ladies, please,” Cat directs as she takes a seat behind her desk. She gestures to the front of her desk, where there aren’t any chairs or anything to get comfortable in so Kara and Lena just stand awkwardly in front of her.

The office is nothing short of epic, with long couches and a wall of mirrors on the right hand side, creating the illusion of more square footage. Behind Cat’s desk and raised slightly are several TV monitors, all showcasing a variety of news broadcasts from around the globe. A news ticker scrolls on an infinite loop underneath, lest any bit of news be missed.

There’s a door that leads out to a balcony, with a prime view of National City. Sometimes, on late evenings when Cat isn’t around, Kara sneaks out through the door to take in the sight. There’s something about watching the sun go down and the lights go on around the city that calms her down and eases her spirit on her hardest days.

“As you know, every year, CatCo puts out a special edition of the magazine for the holidays,” Cat begins, clasping her fingers together and placing them on her desk. “And this year, I’m giving our holiday feature to you.”

“Excuse me?” Lena repeats. “To me and Kara? CatCo had a fantastic quarter financially, I hardly think cutting corners is necessary. No offense, Kara.”

Kara waves her hand in acceptance as she adjusts her glasses. Lena crosses her arms defiantly, daring Cat to engage.

“This may come as a surprise to you, Lena, but not all my decisions are driven by finance,” Cat says, rolling her eyes slightly. “And I never said anything about cutting corners. I expect big things from both of you, which is why I’m teaming you two up. It’s time to do something different and I think the two of you can give the magazine exactly what it needs.”

Kara’s ears perk up. Traditionally, the holiday edition of the magazine is reserved for Cat herself to pick and choose content and write up an editorial wrapping up the year with a nicely written bow. The other features take a back seat to the year in review, and Kara has been angling to be part of it for years. She’s ecstatic at the prospect. Lena, on the other hand, seems less than thrilled.

“And what is that, exactly?” Lena asks sharply, her lips curled in a displeased snarl.

Kara feels the way the tension thickens between the two of them. She stares down at the floor, trying to pretend like this doesn’t involve her. This contentious stare down certainly feels beyond her business. Instead, she thinks about how happy she is to do this. In fact, she’s already brimming with ideas, despite the angry heat radiating off Lena’s body in response.

“Some _heart_.” Cat replies just as sharply, narrowing her eyes and staring at Lena until Kara is sure the windows will shatter from the bitter rivalry. Finally, Lena relents, dragging her eyes to the floor, the muscles of her jaw rippling as she clenches her teeth.

Kara isn’t sure what to make of the exchange, only that Lena is clearly displeased with the assignment, or her partnership, or both. To make matters worse, Lena has refused to look in her direction since they got in Cat’s office.

“You’ll have a month to get everything in order. Plenty of time to take us in a new direction,” Cat explains. “I don’t want what we’ve done in the past, so don’t try to recreate something grand. Give it some _feeling_. I’m giving you free range to do whatever you feel is best.”

“Great,” Kara replies, nodding. “We won’t let you down.”

Cat smiles, then looks pointedly at Lena. “Also, this is a high priority, so I want you to shift your other projects around to give this your focus. Is that clear?”

Kara nods, and catches the way Lena’s eyebrow juts upward in displeased acceptance.

“Good! Looking forward to seeing what you two come up with!” Cat exclaims, dismissing them with a wave of her hand.

Lena turns on her heel and promptly storms off, leaving Kara to smile awkwardly at Cat before taking off after her. She stops before she fully catches up and remembers her phone, and Lena’s most recent message, and oh -- _oh no_.

How is she supposed to work _with_ her on this project and still keep up her secret santa persona? The odds of this happening have always been absurdly low -- as in, this is the first time she and Lena have been paired up to do _anything_ . Oh, why _now?_

As excited as she is to work on her dream project with Lena and get to _actually_ know her, Kara can’t help but be disappointed that she may have to put her secret santa plan on the back burner. There’s no way she can play two roles and fool Lena into thinking she has nothing to do with secret santa.

Unless…

She smiles. The idea is crazy enough that it just might work. She types a quick reply to Lena, adjusts some things on her phone, and then, once satisfied with her work, ventures back to her desk.

 

Xx

 

Lena is already back in her office typing frantically by the time Kara returns to her own desk. She checks her work e-mail and fires off a few quick responses to things that don’t require much thought, more to keep her mind occupied on anything other than her new looming deadline and Lena Luthor. Unfortunately, her distraction lasts approximately two minutes before she gives in to glancing in Lena’s direction again. It’s possible she’s typing even faster now, the click-clack of the keys giving way to deliberate thumps and slaps. She doesn’t seem like she’s going to stop working any time soon, which is troubling. If Kara doesn’t go over there, she’s pretty sure Lena will just pretend the entire meeting never happened and ignore Cat’s assignment. Kara hopes they can find a way to work together, because this is something she really wants to do well on. She wants to show Cat that she didn’t make a mistake in relying on Kara to carry this out.  And Lena needs to help her get there.

With that, Kara gathers her things and walks across the hallway, chin held high, ready to try to convince Lena that working with her isn’t going to be the _worst_ project ever.

“Hey Lena,” Kara says softly, knocking on her door with timid knuckles.

“Kara,” Lena says, her voice gentler and more tired than earlier. She stops typing and leans back in her chair, almost inviting conversation. “I was just about to walk over there.”

“Oh, I figured,” Kara shrugs, glancing around the office carefully. She awkwardly runs her hand over the spine of a book, but her nervous fingers cause the book to topple over. With a loud thud, it hits the floor hard. Kara immediately reaches to pick it up.

“Oh, shoot, I’m sorry!” she exclaims, adjusting her glasses and fumbling to put the book back on the shelf. Lena doesn’t respond and when Kara brings herself to look back at her, she is met with a curious and gentle smile. Kara wishes she could know what Lena is thinking, but more than that, she wishes she could have _some_ control of her limbs. “Should we-- do you want to get some coffee before we get started on this work?” Kara suggests, hoping a little caffeine will smooth things over. Maybe she should get decaf, though. Her hands are already shaking enough as it is.

“I think we’re going to need it.” Lena closes her laptop and stands slowly. She flashes Kara a conspiratorial grin. “In order to stay awake.”

Lena comes around her desk and heads to the corner of her office to grab her coat -- a lovely deep magenta piece that contrasts sharply with her ivory skin. Lena nods in Kara’s direction and leads the way out the door. Kara marvels at the way she is all business and calculations wrapped in a fashionable package and finished off with intimidating six inch heels. It’s almost like an armor she uses to get through the day. It must be tiring, Kara thinks, to always have to be so precise and on guard all the time. She catches herself feeling bad for Lena, which distracts her enough from the fact that their entire elevator ride is completed in stone cold silence.

“Hi Ms. Luthor, the usual?” the barista asks as soon as they approach the coffee cart. Kara warms with the fact that she now knows what that usual is, too. The good feeling is replaced with panic as she realizes she also has a ‘usual order’.

“Yes, with an extra shot of espresso,” Lena says, her voice bordering on desperate. “Please,” she adds, with a half attempt at a smile.

“And Ms. Danvers, your usual as well?”

“Oh just regular coffee with cream for me today,” Kara replies, trying to hide her displeasure. “My other usual,” she notes, side-eyeing Lena quickly. The barista shrugs as she turns to fill the orders. The advertisement for the seasonal peppermint mocha latte taunts her with its decadence. Kara sighs. Now is not the time. She’s not about to be outed by a sweet indulgence.

“Let me get it,” Kara says, offering out her credit card. Lena’s is taken aback, but slowly nods her approval as Kara steps in to pay.

“Thank you,” Lena offers with a small smile.

“Of course.”

“So I couldn’t help but notice the tree on your desk,” Kara starts, choosing her words carefully as they turn to head back toward the office. She knows she _shouldn’t_ because she’s already in dangerous territory, but she can’t help it. She wants to know if it made Lena happy, and if she’s going to keep it. She wants an excuse to explain why it’s an important token -- without actually _explaining_ it. She wants...well, she wants a lot of things, frankly. All of which seem impossibly out of her reach at the moment.

“Oh, come on Kara, I know it’s you,” Lena says, turning to her with a devilish gleam in her eye. “You can stop pretending.”

“I -- I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Kara fumbles, feeling her face getting uncomfortably warm.

“Oh really? Secret santa?” Lena grins, before taking a sip of her coffee. She shakes her head. “I have to give it to you, you really had me going there for a minute, I--”

Lena’s phone buzzes and she stops mid-sentence to check it. Kara is careful to focus on her drink. Lena’s eyes widen as she reads.

 **SecretSanta says** : You’re welcome. Helping you to get into the spirit?

Lena glances at Kara again, before frowning at her phone.

“You aren’t on your phone,” she says, her face deadpan.

“I’m sorry?” Kara asks. She holds up her hands. “No. Should I be?”

Lena shakes her head. “No I -- I guess I’m wrong,” Lena says softly. She looks at Kara again. “Sorry,” she practically whispers, a sheepish smile on her face.

“Not a problem,” Kara says, trying to act chipper. She plasters a smile on her face so Lena will stop looking at her like she’s guilty. She feels her phone buzz in her pocket, and notes the way Lena quickly pockets her own. “I can think of worse things to be accused of.”

She doesn’t know why she says it. Mostly to be clever, but somehow it falls terribly flat. Lena’s face darkens as she nods slowly, her eyes sharp and focused.

“I’m sure you can,” she retorts. Something about Lena’s entire persona shifts, her face darkening like clouds eclipsing the sun. Kara knows she’s offended her, she just isn’t quite sure how.

They walk back the rest of the way in silence. Kara sneaks a glance at her phone.

 **L.Luthor says** : It certainly doesn’t hurt.

Ordinarily, it would make her smile -- the fact that her gift clearly had the effect she wanted -- but standing next to a very distant, very annoyed Lena Luthor in the flesh significantly puts a damper on things. When they get settled in the conference room upstairs, Lena gets right to work, typing furiously and stopping only occasionally to clench her jaw, her mouth moving in silence as she re-reads something on her screen.

Kara clears her throat, but Lena ignores it.

“I think it would be better if we started this on our own,” Lena says after several agonizing and silent minutes. She takes her glasses off her face and places them on the table, rubbing at her temples.

“Well, Ms. Grant specifically asked us to work on this together,” Kara frowns. “I don’t think--”

“And we will,” Lena insists. “But it’s a better use of our time to at least come up with ideas on our own before bringing them together. Otherwise we’re just going to sit here staring at each other.”

“Or,” Kara counters, “We could, you know. Talk it through. I think collaborating means we at least discuss some ideas first.”

Lena glances at her watch, gesturing for Kara to start. Exasperation aside, Kara considers it a small victory.

“I want this to be memorable. When our readers read it, I want them to feel the happiness that only the holidays can bring, you know?”

Lena shrugs. “I admit I’m not really the ugly sweater holiday type.”

“Oh, that’s a good idea --” Kara starts, before Lena’s glare cuts her off. “Okay, nothing about ugly sweaters. Got it.”

Lena continues to stare at her silently, which Kara gathers is going to be a theme for this conversation.

“Gingerbread houses?” Kara suggests. “We could--”

“--They’re a mess.”

“Toyland?”

Lena frowns.

“What about Christmas carols?”

“Ah, saving the world one tone deaf performance at a time?” Lena’s lips curl into a patronizing smile.

“Something like that. I was thinking more along the lines of each article having a title after a song…” Lena’s disgusted expression stops her cold. “You hate all of this.”

“Who cares about the holidays? I mean, truly. It’s just another day of the year to reflect on disappointment, or it’s spent trying desperately to impress family members that will never actually approve of anything you do. Dedicating half our magazine to it is a waste.”

“But there has to be something about the holiday you _do_ like,” Kara tries.

“How quiet the office is?”

“Okay,” Kara nods, tapping her pen against her notebook and trying to think of a way to spin _that_. “Productivity…” she starts to say, before Lena interrupts.

“Why does it matter what you, or I, or anyone does for Christmas? It’s hardly entertaining enough to write about.”

“I don’t know,” Kara shrugs. She puts her pen down. “I mean, you’re right -- puff pieces aren’t going to be what sells magazines. I get that. But without taking the time to appreciate everything we have, and giving people reasons to feel happy, what would be the point of it all?” Kara asks. She stands up and starts to pace, gesturing emphatically. “If we only focus on reporting the serious things all the time-- then we don’t take the time to celebrate the things that are already pretty great. This is an excuse to remind people of some of the highlights of the year, and to convey a message of hope for the next. We can’t just be doom and gloom all the time.”

“Doom and gloom?” Lena raises a perfectly manicured eyebrow. Her red lips part in a grin.

“You know what I mean.”

“There’s wickedness in idle hands,” Lena insists, crossing her arms. Her eyebrow raises sharply, daring Kara to disagree. “This isn’t contributing anything productive to society.”

“Don’t you think there’s just as much good in taking the time to restore some faith in humanity?” Kara asks, her voice watery with feelings she can’t put words to at the moment. “This piece might not be breaking news, or cutting edge research, but it’s still important. We only do it once a year. I think we can put aside all the other things and focus on something fun for once.”

“My goodness, there’s some steel under that soft sweater, isn’t there?” Lena grins, her mouth hanging open slightly as she assesses Kara’s entire form. Her stare is intense, but not grating. Kara isn’t sure if she’s being judged, or admired. It’s all very confusing and she can feel the way her cheeks flush under Lena’s gaze.

“I’m just saying,” Kara turns away so she can gather her wits. “It isn’t a waste of time.”

“No, perhaps not,” Lena sighs. “But surely you can understand my position?”

Kara waits, and Lena takes the noncommittal silence to explain.

“Market analysis, business trends, hours of scientific research…” Lena drawls. “I’m here to position CatCo to be the leading media conglomerate in the world. The closest thing to fluff that I get involved with is when the Dow has a particularly good day.”

“All the more reason to try something new, then! It’s okay to step out of your comfort zone, you know,” Kara points out.

“I’m not _scared_ , if that’s what you’re implying. This is hardly a challenge. More of an inconvenience.”

“Well we’ve wasted a lot of time already, so..” Kara checks her watch.

“--And I’m going to be late for another meeting,” Lena says, frowning as she types something on her laptop. “We do this on our own and meet back up tomorrow?”

“Okay,” Kara relents. “That’s fine.”

Lena closes her laptop and offers a parting smile as she quickly leaves the room. Kara watches as she types into her phone, clearly already focused on something else, and she feels the frustration begin to build. Lena seems ferociously dedicated to everything about her job -- everything, that is, except this one request. It’s funny that Kara now finds herself involved in trying to get Lena Luthor to care about the holidays in two ways now.

Unfortunately, she’s not sure she’s going to succeed in either case.

 

Xx

 

“The holiday feature?” Sam’s eyes widen. She lets out a low whistle. “Man, that’s something. And she didn’t ask _me_ to help you? Frankly, I’m pissed,” Sam says, crossing her arms and scowling. “Lena doesn’t even _like_ the holidays.”

“No kidding. She’s tough,” Kara grumbles, flopping down in her chair. “I can’t figure out why Cat wants us to work together at all. I mean, I can handle it myself, and Lena clearly wants no part of it.”

“No part of you, or no part of the work?” Sam asks. She throws in a wink and Kara scowls at her before letting her shoulders slump in defeat.

“Both?” Kara suggests, wincing.

“Ouch.”

“Yeah, not good,” Kara says. “This is going to be so much harder than I thought.”

“Well, don’t let her get to you,” Sam says, clasping her hand on Kara’s shoulder. “Besides, it’s only for a little while right? You’ll manage.”

“Yeah,” Kara reluctantly agrees. She forces a smile and tries to look convinced. Sam looks satisfied, like her advice is being heeded, but deep down, Kara feels far from comforted. Lena’s attitude has _already_ gotten to her, for more reasons than she can actually admit out loud.

Alex wanders over to Kara’s desk a few hours later, but stops short of her destination when she sees Kara angrily roll up a sheet of paper and throw it across the room, missing the trash can. She watches her scrawl more notes, then rip another sheet off her notebook and roll it up in the same fashion. She winds up and throws, and Alex reaches out to catch it.

Frowning, she approaches slowly. She can already tell her sister is going to need to be talked down before she accidentally hits someone else with trash, or, as she is more want to do, break something valuable.

“Easy there slugger,” Alex jokes, placing the discarded piece of paper on Kara’d desk. “What’s got you pitching 100mph?”

“The holiday feature,” Kara grumbles. “It’s stupid and I don’t know what to do.” Kara tears another sheet and starts to crumble it.

“Did my sister just call the holiday feature stupid? I’m pretty sure you’ve wanted to be part of that since you joined CatCo.”

“Yeah well, lucky me.”

“Kara, what’s going on?” Alex asks, more concerned now. Her sister loves the holidays, and she loves all the cheesy extra nonsense that goes with it. It’s infectious, really, the way Kara insists on going all out with decorations and presents. Anyone who is lucky enough to spend time with Kara Danvers around Christmas can’t help to get into the spirit. But this is _not_ Kara Danvers behavior.

“Cat put me and Lena on the holiday feature this year,” Kara explains, frowning. “But Lena hates the holidays, and hates me, and hates the whole idea, and so it’s going to be horrible.”

“Okay, first of all, Lena doesn’t hate you. She might hate the holidays, but that’s not about _you_. She just needs someone to show her what it’s all about. And if anyone can do that, it’s you.”

Kara stops writing and takes a second to pause. Alex studies her, hoping she can come to the same realization herself.

“Maybe, but she’s just so hard to talk to sometimes,” Kara says, her shoulders slumping. “I don’t really know how to get her to understand.”

“Well, between secret santa and this project, you have plenty of opportunities to figure out what makes Lena tick. No one _really_ hates the holidays,” Alex says, pushing her sister slightly.

“They’re just sad or lonely and need to be reminded that people care,” Kara finishes, echoing the same words she’s said to Alex millions of times over. “Yeah, you’re right.”

“Of course I’m right,” Alex grins, as Kara shakes her head. “How’s secret santa going though? She’s probably easier via e-mail than she is in person.”

“She already guessed it was me,” Kara says, sighing. “It took her five seconds.”

“Wait, really? How?”

“I might have… technically… given her a gift already…” Alex crosses her arms, and she _wants_ to say ‘you didn’t’ -- but Kara holds up her hand.  “I know, I know. I shouldn’t have done it, but Alex you don’t understand. Under everything she really does seem so… _sad_. I thought it would cheer her up.”

That is definitely more Kara Danvers behavior. Kara would risk everything in order to bring someone a reason to keep believing. For everything her sister has gone through, she has turned out more compassionate and more loving than anyone Alex has ever - or will ever - meet. It’s her greatest strength, and sometimes, her biggest downfall.

“So what did you do?”

“I mean, at first, I panicked, but then I got out of it,” Kara explains.

“Oh really? And how’d you manage that?”

“What? I’m stealthy!”

“Uh-huh.”

“I set my e-mail to have a delay, this way she’d get a secret santa response while we were together and know I wasn’t the one sending them. She ended up apologizing.”

“Clever.”

“I told you!” Kara grins, feeling a little more cheerful than she had earlier. “I’ve got some tricks up my sleeve.”

“You always do,” Alex agrees, shaking her head.


	2. With Love, Christmas - Part 2

**Part 2**

 

The next morning, Kara walks over to Lena’s office with determined steps, her mind ready and raring to go. She is not going to take no for an answer this time. Somehow, she’s going to find a way to get this done. She has several ideas that she spent all night cultivating and she’s had enough caffeine to keep her going for at least the next 8 hours. Possibly 12. She’s losing track of how long she’s actually been awake, but that’s besides the point. Nothing is going to stop her today. No, today she is going to ensure that they get started on their work  _ together _ , whether Lena likes it or not. She reaches the door and pauses at the threshold. 

Lena is standing with her back to the door, staring out the window. Her hair is down, an uncharacteristic look for someone who is usually pulled together in all aspects of her life. Kara is sure she’s never seen Lena’s hair down. She watches the way it falls in impossibly long thick waves of deep black, the light reflecting in such a way that Kara can make out small highlights of auburn and gold. Lena runs her fingers through it several times, pulling it back into a high ponytail before restraining it with a hair tie. She sighs, like she’s resigning herself to something, her shoulders slumping slightly as she continues to gaze out the window over the city. Kara suddenly feels like she’s intruding on a strangely intimate moment, but she can’t bring herself to leave. 

“Is this a bad time?” Kara eventually asks. Her voice sounds so loud, shattering the peaceful silence in the room. Lena doesn’t answer right away, choosing instead to remain stoically by the window. She looks like a porcelain doll, her features crafted delicately, almost fragile to the touch. Kara’s throat constricts.

“I’m sorry if I was short with you yesterday,” Lena finally says. She turns to look over her shoulder, a telling softness in her eyes. Kara stiffens, unsure how to respond, but Lena waves her in. “I’m just stressed. It’s a busy time of year, as you know.”

“Of course,” Kara agrees. “I get it.”

She takes a seat at her desk and gestures for Kara to take the seat situated in front of her. Kara slides it to the corner so she can be in a more collaborative position. She isn’t here for a meeting where someone is going to tell her what to do, even if that someone is Lena Luthor. She’s here to work  _ with _ her, and she wants Lena to know that. Lena watches her with amusement, before nodding slightly. 

“So, before we get started, I figured we’d review the last few holiday issues of the magazine for some ideas,” Lena says, pulling several magazines out of a bag at her feet. It’s a peace treaty that Kara is eager to accept. “I also gathered some other holiday editions from our competitors. I had them get these from the archives this morning.”

“That’s a great idea,” Kara says, slightly taken aback. She silently dials back the intensity, pleased to see that Lena is taking this seriously. Maybe she won’t have to stubbornly dig her heels in after all. She takes one of the volumes and opens it. “Oh, this one was fun!”

She shows Lena the cover of CatCo’s issue from several years earlier, the gold “ _ Winter Wonderlands _ ” script elegantly written across the pages. She flips to several images of decorative landscapes from around the world. “I loved this one,” she points to a cozy sleepy village somewhere in the alps. The soft glow of lights twinkle around a blanket of fresh snow. 

She grabs another one. “Oh! Do you remember this one?”

Lena shakes her head.

Kara prattles on and on about the set designs, and the concept, and just where she was when she read it for the first time. Lena listens quietly. 

They continue going through the old magazines before Lena finally grabs one -- an old issue of Time--  and turns it to face Kara with a knowing smile. She places it back on her desk and slides it in Kara’s direction. Green looping script adorns the front cover with the exclamation  _ “Recession’s Greetings!” _ over top of a red sleigh. Kara scowls.

“We are  _ not _ capping off the year with a sarcastic economy pun,” Kara declares, pushing it away. “No way.”

“Well, it’s the truth,” Lena argues, rolling her eyes. “You can’t just close your eyes and pretend it doesn’t exist.”

“For a few weeks uh-- yeah, I can,” Kara argues. “That’s the point. Let’s celebrate the good things while we can. The recession isn’t going anywhere.”

Lena places the magazine back in the discard pile. Before reaching for another she sighs. “You really love this time of year, don’t you?”

“Of course I do,” Kara flips the page of her magazine, shrugging as if it’s obvious. It should be obvious. It’s  _ Christmas _ . 

“You must have a wonderful family,” Lena says, her eyes fixed on another open magazine in front of her. She flips a page nonchalantly, refusing to look up. 

“I do now,” Kara replies, wistfully. She catches the way Lena looks up at her. “Family isn’t always who you’re related to. It’s what you make it.”

Lena’s eyes narrow slightly as she ponders, but a knock on the door halts their conversation.

“Sorry for interrupting!” Eve apologizes. She enters the office holding two coffees. “I just thought you guys might want some coffee. You take yours black, right Lena?”

Lena furrows her eyebrows in confusion, before looking between Kara and Eve. “I uh-- yeah,” she replies.

“I’m not stalking you,” Eve says, chuckling. “It’s just my job!”

“Thanks, Eve,” Lena says, taking it with a slight hesitation. Kara sips hers silently, noticing the way Lena glances over her shoulder, following as Eve retreats.

They spend the next hour and a half reviewing the old magazines, with Kara trying to explain why certain issues are her favorite, and with Lena only picking through the more serious versions of Time and Newsweek. Finally, Kara gets an idea.

“You know what we need?” she announces, standing abruptly. 

“Please don’t say Christmas songs,” Lena begs. She puts down a magazine and rubs at her temples. “I really can’t handle that right now.”

Kara ignores her as she gathers her bag. “There’s a holiday fair downtown that I think will help us get inspired. I go every year, and it’s just the best. They have the best cookies and hot chocolate around. I promise it will help. What do you say?”

“Kara, we have so much work to do--”

“--this is work!”

Lena’s eyebrow raises skeptically. 

“We won’t stay long. I just think it will be good for us to go.”

“Alright,” Lena reluctantly agrees. “Let’s go. For a little while.”

 

Xx

 

The holiday fair takes place every year downtown by the waterfront, and combines a holiday themed farmer’s market with a showcase of arts and crafts. It’s a country fair tucked in a hipster venue, which succeeds in drawing from a variety of demographics. Vendors from all over the state gather for several weekends to sell their goods and celebrate the magic of the season. There are carolers and ice skating, and at night, the whole park is lit up with dazzling displays of flashing lights. Kids get to take pictures with santa, and adults get to pick up last minute stocking stuffers like homemade candy or fresh egg nog. It’s festive and cheerful and bright, and even without snow, it’s a perfect winter wonderland oasis.

Kara has always gone for as long as she can remember. It’s a tradition she appreciates more for the people she gets to meet than the items she buys. But she still loves coming home with batches of homemade fudge and more cookies than anyone could possibly eat in one sitting.

“You’ve never been to this before?” Kara asks, shocked at Lena’s apparent surprise when they enter the grounds. She stops short and can’t help the way her mouth falls open in disbelief.

“I don’t usually have time for this kind of thing,” Lena explains. Noting Kara’s face she adds, “Sorry…”

“No,  _ I’m _ sorry,” Kara insists, pulling her along. They get their tickets and Kara ushers them inside. “Come on! There’s so much you have to see!”

Kara starts them off in the indoor tent where a table display contest is taking place. The most elaborate table decorations and centerpieces for the holiday are set up according to different themes, and visitors to the fair can rank and judge their favorites.

“What do you think? I sort of really love this one,” Kara says, pointing to a silver and red themed ensemble, complete with little red cardinals perched on top of a nest that doubles as a wreath. 

“This one is gorgeous,” Lena says, pointing to a rustic tablescape with pine garland and holly. “I’m voting for this one.”

Kara smiles and hands her a card so they can cast their votes. They continue to wander through the tent, looking at various displays of collections and paintings before Kara races ahead to snap another picture.

“It’s a Christmas village of potato people, Lena!” Kara exclaims, taking out her phone and focusing on getting it perfectly centered. “Genius! Look, that one has a beard!”

“Fascinating,” Lena says, studying the spud. Before Kara can protest, she notices the way Lena’s eyes seem to glimmer with humor. 

“You have to admit, this is pretty fun,” Kara says as they exit the tent and start to make their way through the middle of the fair. “I love coming here.”

“It is perfectly charming,” Lena agrees, running her fingers over some beautiful lace patterned tablecloths. “It seems almost pulled from a story book.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well it’s just so far from reality,” Lena explains. Kara frowns. “It captures a certain spirit of the holidays that I wish was around more often.”

“But it is around,” Kara counters. “That’s what I’ve been saying.”

“It’s just...in general, don’t you find the holiday season so  _ commercial _ ? Why do I need to fight through crowds for discounted TVs and electronics I don’t even need, a few hours after being thankful for what I  _ do _ have?” Lena asks as they meander down the aisles of more displays. Kara stops at a vendor selling intricate and fantastically designed wreaths. She reaches out to touch the ribbon on one, smiling at the way the velvet feels against the tips of her fingers. “Not to mention, most of those deals aren’t even really good. They inflate the prices for months beforehand and--”

“I would think someone who is so interested in business and market trends would be fascinated by that much consumerism,” Kara interrupts sharply. She can’t help but smile a little as she says it, especially when Lena looks surprised at the dig. “It isn’t about material possessions, Lena. It’s about spending time with people you love, and it’s about thinking of people who feel less than happy. Sure, sometimes we show that appreciation with a physical gift, but most of the time it’s just about doing nice things for others. People volunteer more around this time of year. They disconnect from work and reconnect with friends. They take their eyes off their phones --” Kara says, catching Lena checking hers. Lena smiles sheepishly as she puts hers away and Kara continues, “and they try to be present with others. It’s just… nice.”

Lena takes a look around. Kara follows her eyes and tries to view it through Lena’s cynical lens, but all she notices are families spending time with each other, and kids running around laughing, and people swapping stories and being genuinely happy. She doesn’t see anything negative about that.

“Look over there -- that’s Mrs. Jones. She owns the bakery down by Laurel street,” Kara points over to a baker’s tent where braided breads are hanging and cupcakes are presented on several levels of plates. “Every year they do a huge holiday cake that they donate to the children’s hospital. This year it’s a huge Christmas tree with a fully functioning train set. Fully functioning! Made of  _ cake _ !”

“Is it made of cake?” Lena asks, smirking as Kara rolls her eyes in exasperation. 

Lena looks over to where a jolly woman in a flour covered apron is laughing at something a customer is saying. She’s packing up fresh baked bread in a holiday bag, and Lena catches her stick a cookie into the package as she winks at a little girl. 

“And there!” Kara grabs Lena’s arm. “That’s Mr. Evans. His wood carvings are incredible. He runs a toy drive several weekends before the holiday and delivers them to local orphanages.”

Lena spots a man she can only assume is Mr. Evans. He’s younger than she expects, with a speckled beard and muscular forearms, hauling a sack of toys over to the back of his pick up truck. He turns and smiles, waving in their direction. Kara returns the wave enthusiastically.

“How do you know all this?”

Kara shrugs. She knows because all she’s ever wanted since arriving in National City is to feel  _ home _ . She hates being new to a place; the feeling of being a lonely outcast is something she wishes she had less experience with. So to combat it, she jumps in to any and everything she can. She gets to know the people -- the store owners of her favorite shops, the neighbors down the street, the business people who take their lunch break at the same time she does. She knows her coworkers enough to call them friends, and her friends enough to call them family. And for the people that aren’t as fortunate as she is, she makes sure to do everything in her power to make them feel loved.

“It doesn’t take much to get to know people,” Kara says simply. She walks away from Lena toward another row of vendors. She wanders slowly, taking her time to admire the handcrafted jewelry and art on display. Finally, she finds what she’s looking for. She hurries toward the tent a few feet away.

“Lena!” Kara calls out. She glances behind her and finds Lena walking thoughtfully behind, taking in the scenery. She grabs her arm before she can protest and drags her over where the tantalizing smell of fresh sweet dough is coming from. “You have to try these. They’re the best pastries in the city!”

“Okay,” Lena agrees. The woman hands her a paper plate with several pastel colored macarons, each one more perfect than the next.“Oh my God,” she says, opening her eyes again slowly. “How did you get the merengue like that? Mine never comes out this good!”

Kara can’t believe her ears and her face must convey her surprise, because Lena looks at her between bites with confusion.

“What?” Lena asks, turning to Kara and taking another bite of the pastry. 

“You bake,” Kara deadpans. 

She rolls her eyes as she swallows. “Kara, I  _ have _ hobbies.”

“I had no idea,” Kara says, shaking her head. Lena glares at her, before a small dimple appears in her right cheek as she smiles. 

“I just dabble,” Lena shrugs. “I’m not very good.”

“Right,” Kara replies. She chews into her macaron thoughtfully, contemplating this new tidbit of information. It isn’t as crazy an idea as she first imagines. In fact, it makes sense that someone as smart and calculating and brilliant as Lena would have a hobby that relies on exact measurements and chemical accuracy. 

They continue to walk through the fair, stopping occasionally at different tents and silently turning over the goods. Kara finds a beautiful pair of hand made silver earrings, the design of which compels her to pick them up immediately. They feel familiar to her for some reason, the way the silver curls and loops in an elegant pattern. 

“Those are lovely,” Lena says, admiring them in Kara’s hand. Kara looks in the mirror and holds them up to her ears. A stabbing sadness penetrates her chest as she flashes back to her mother, wearing a style very similar to these. Kara exhales as she puts them down.

“Yeah, they are,” she says softly. She glances back at Lena and forces a smile. “They remind me of my mother.”

Lena doesn’t say anything, but she nods thoughtfully. Kara braces, expecting her to ask where her mother is, or, worse, if she’s going to buy them for her, but she doesn’t. Instead, she gently reaches out to touch the earrings one last time before walking away quietly. Kara exhales in relief.

After they pass a few more tents, Lena stops to admire a few handmade silk scarves.

“See anything you like? Maybe you’ll find something to get for secret santa,” Kara says as she approaches. 

“Oh, I was just thinking I’d get them a gift card --” Lena starts, her mouth clamping shut as Kara makes a disgusted face.

“Do you know where they like to shop?”

“No...” Lena replies. 

Kara crosses her arms and waits.

“Okay, I’ll try something else,” Lena says, holding up her hands in surrender. Kara nods, temporarily satisfied.

They spend another half an hour circling the grounds. Kara stops to buy loaves of gingerbread from Mrs. Jones and then points at Santa’s “workshop” by the exit.

“One more thing before we leave,” Kara says, pulling Lena toward the final tent. “We obviously need a picture with Santa.”

“Oh, obviously,” Lena replies. “Kara, I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but we aren’t exactly the right demographic for this activity.”

“It’s a tradition,” Kara says simple. “It doesn’t matter how old you are. It’s just fun.”

“Fun,” Lena repeats, frowning. They take their place in line and wait their turn. Kara watches the way Lena’s eyes dart back and forth nervously, like she’s embarrassed to be there, but she stays put. Kara nudges her slightly.

“It’s okay, you know,” Kara reassures her. “You’re allowed to do something silly once in awhile.”

Before Lena can respond, it’s their turn. They position themselves around Santa’s giant chair. Lena stands stiffly with her hands resting on the arm of the chair, a reasonable distance from Santa himself. Kara doesn’t push it, she’s just happy to have her in the picture at all. She throws her arm around Santa’s shoulder and smiles.

“1-2-3--” the photographer says. A quick flash, and the photo is done. “Perfect! You can pick it up on your way out! Next!”

“Thanks!” Kara calls out. Turning to Lena she nods her head toward the exit. “Come on, I bet it came out great.”

The picture is waiting for them when they arrive at the sales booth. Kara immediately loves everything about it.

“I’m going to buy a copy. It’s a good memory,” Kara says. Another sentimental decoration to add to her growing collection. She’s about to order when Lena interrupts.

“Two copies, please,” Lena says, offering out her credit card. She turns to Kara with a soft smile. “I like it, too.” 

Kara wonders where Lena will put it, or if she’ll really keep it at all, but it doesn’t matter. At least Kara will have it, and she can always look back on the day they came to the fair together and she got Lena Luthor to take a picture with Santa Claus. A triumph, indeed.

“You know Kara, I have to thank you,” Lena says, stopping her as they reach the exit. “This really did help give me a lot of ideas. I get it a little more now.”

“I’m glad,” Kara says, a warm blush creeping along her cheeks.

“I took to jotting out a few notes, and I’ll have more when I get back to my laptop and can clean them up a bit. I’ll send them over for you to review.”

“Oh, I--” Kara nods, chuckling at Lena’s never ending professionalism. “Sure. That sounds great.” 

It isn’t the warm and fuzzy end to the day Kara would have expected, but it’s _something_ , and for that she’s grateful. Before she even gets home, she has an e-mail from Lena -- sent to _her_ , not secret santa -- detailing ideas for the magazine. 

But for once, there’s no mention of economic collapse or world ending predictions, and Kara goes to sleep feeling lighter than ever. 

 

Xx

 

**Secretsanta says** : What’s your middle name?

**L.luthor says** : Hm, nice try. If I tell you, I’d have to kill you.

**Secretsanta says** : Oh come on, it can’t be that bad. And it’s something probably hardly anyone knows about you. 

**L.Luthor says** : You first.

Kara hesitates. Admittedly, she didn’t think this through. She technically doesn’t have a middle name. They didn’t have them where she’s from. All she can think about is her family name -- the one she lost and never recovered. She’s only told Alex that name. But somehow, everything just feels more natural when she talks to Lena -- so much, that she forgets as secret santa, she’s just as much a mystery to Lena as Lena is to her. She chews on the corner of her lip as she tries to decide how to respond.

Finally, she goes with her gut.

**Secretsanta says** : Zor-el. It’s strange, I know.

**L.Luthor says** : No, it’s beautiful. Mine is Kieran. No laughing.

**Secretsanta says** : Who’s laughing? 

**L.Luthor says** : Can I ask you where you’re from?

Kara swallows heavily. She appreciates that Lena has waited until now to ask. She stops to think. There’s really nothing connecting Kara Danvers to Krypton, especially not in the office. She doesn’t talk about her old home, or her old family, or her old life. People know she’s adopted, but that’s the extent of it. It’s safe to tell Lena, and what’s more, she really wants her to know the truth. Especially since she can’t be completely honest with everything else right now. The guilt settles in her stomach. The more she’s gotten to know Lena as secret santa, the more anxious she’s started to feel as Kara Danvers. She never expected to get all these intimate details from Lena -- maybe a few of her favorite things, and her hobbies, but not  _ this _ \-- and now every time she sees her in the office as Kara, she knows she has to pretend she doesn’t know any of it. It’s a delicate balancing act that is starting to feel impossibly dangerous.

**Secretsanta says** : I’m from a city called Krypton. Have you heard of it?

The minutes between messages feel like hours, and Kara refreshes her inbox so often she’s convinced she’ll crash the server. But eventually Lena replies. 

**L.Luthor says** : I do know it. The lost city. I’m so sorry. Your home was destroyed - that must be devastating. And your family?

**Secretsanta says** : I don’t actually know where they are. I was adopted when I was 10 and have lived here ever since. I like to think they’re still out there -- maybe they got away in time, or at least, they’re somewhere safe. But the odds of that being true are very slim, and it’s been dead end after dead end trying to locate them. So I try not to dwell on it. But I miss them every single day.

**L.Luthor says** : I can’t even imagine. I wish I knew something to say to make it better, but I know I can’t. I just hope you’re able to hear about them one day, and I hope it’s positive news. Thank you for sharing that with me.

  
  


Xx

 

“Well, she’s definitely not what I expected,” Kara says, pulling apart her croissant and taking a huge bite. There’s no time for lunch, so Alex brought over some pastries for a mid morning snack break. “It’s so strange. The Lena I know at work is not the one I get to talk to as secret santa. At work she’s stubborn and serious and ridiculously frustrating. She’s always  _ nice _ , but she’s definitely the most cynical person I’ve ever met. Online though she’s … sweet. Thoughtful. Extremely considerate.”

Alex frowns as she swallows. “This is the same Lena that refused to work with you the first day and still thinks collaborating means working in separate offices?”

“Right?” Kara shakes her head. “I’m telling you, it’s like two different people.”

“Well, so are you,” Alex says, chuckling. 

“I am not!” Kara argues. Alex narrows her eyes. “Not  _ really _ . I’m just -- for now, yes. But I’m still  _ me _ in both cases!”

Alex puts her croissant down and wipes the crumbs from her hands. “Kara Danvers is more like your persona, it’s something you put on for everyone. Who you are as secret santa -- or anytime you can be completely honest behind closed doors, like when it’s just us -- that’s  _ you _ . And as someone who knows both, they aren’t always the same, Kara.”

Kara goes to argue, but something stops her. The same guilty feeling claws deep in her stomach and she knows Alex is right. She isn’t always honest. She isn’t always the same person to everyone around her. Sure, she has reasons for why she’s built the walls she’s built, and it works because it doesn’t  _ hurt _ anyone. It isn’t really deceptive. But with Lena, she feels hypocritical for accusing her of being different behind closed doors when Kara is the same way, if not worse. She fully intends to reveal herself by the end of this, which is a relief in some ways. But in other ways, it brings about a whole new set of problems. Namely, once she does, Lena will know everything about her -- will know the real her -- and maybe she will decide that being lied to is unacceptable, no matter how good the excuse is. 

“Well anyway,” Kara shrugs, trying to pivot away from the topic. “All things considered, I like her more than I expected.”

“I mean, no offense, but that’s obvious,” Alex rolls her eyes as she sips her coffee.

“What? No it isn’t!”

“Uh, Kara, everyone on the planet knows you like her.”

“Crushed,” Brainy interrupts, looking pleased with himself. “You are crushed.”

“I’m--? What?” Kara turns to face him. “How long have you been standing there?”

“Only 15.15 seconds, enough to know you are crushed, on Lena.”

“Oh, a crush. I have a  _ crush _ on Lena,” Kara explains, before realizing what she just said. “Wait, no I don’t! That’s not --”

“Have I misunderstood?” Brainy asks, frowning. He looks to the sky, muttering to himself. 

“No, I think you understand it perfectly,” Alex says with a teasing grin. Brainy looks at her with a grateful smile. “Kara, face it, you care about her.”

“I mean of course I  _ care _ about her, but not like that.”

“Okay, sure,” Alex says. She crinkles up the wax paper from her pastry and stands to leave. “Brainy, come with me. I’ll explain it to you and then maybe you can enlighten Kara here.” She turns over her shoulder and sticks her tongue out at Kara, but it barely registers as Kara feels the weight of realization begin to settle in.

 

Xx

 

**Secretsanta says** : One of my favorite things to do during the holiday season is go ice skating. It’s silly, I know. But I used to go all the time as a kid, and it was always just the best feeling, gliding along the ice, feeling the wind on my face. It’s like flying. One year I was in Metropolis and they had a huge ice rink downtown and I spent hours skating and listening to Christmas music. So now I try to go every year.

**L.Luthor says** : You have a way of making everything sound enchanting. I have to admit, I do like some of the music this time of year. Not the horrific loud remakes, of course. But there’s something incredibly soothing about soft jazz and the sound of a saxophone late at night. I find that very peaceful.

**Secretsanta says** : And what about your family? You don’t talk about them.

**L.Luthor says** : I’m adopted, like you. But other than that, there isn’t much to say about the Luthors that isn’t already printed.  

“So let me get this straight,” Lena starts, snapping the cap on her pen and placing it down on her desk. They have been at it for hours, going back and forth with their ideas. Well, Kara has been suggesting things, and Lena has been cleverly and brutally shooting each one down. “You want to interview the carriage driver and his horse?”

“I’m not going to interview his horse!” Kara protests. “Just take pictures with it!”

Lena raises her eyebrow and says nothing.

“Okay, I’ll keep thinking,” Kara says, scratching the idea off her list.  _ I like you better online _ , she thinks, but she’s careful not to say it. Lena shakes her head and returns to her laptop.

 

Xx

 

**L.Luthor says:** Can I ask you something?

**Secretsanta says:** Of course

**L.Luthor says:** I’m assuming you know me in real life, or at least, you’ve seen me before. So, would you say I’m unapproachable?

Kara knows what she’d say as Kara Danvers, coworker. She’d say: yes, absolutely. She’d probably vent about Lena’s intense behavior the way she has to Alex and Sam. But she isn’t Kara Danvers right now, and this isn’t office Lena Luthor. This is Lena actually being vulnerable with someone, and this is Kara, doing her best to show Lena the compassion and goodwill of the holidays. She tries to frame her opinion a little differently.

**Secretsanta says** : You can be a little intimidating. But I also know you’re very nice and pleasant when you want to be. I just think maybe you need to put yourself out there more, maybe open yourself up a little. You might be surprised what you find. 

She doesn’t know if Lena will actually take her advice, but she’s satisfied with her honest response, anyway.

“Alright this is a reminder--” Sam calls out, cupping her hand around her mouth to magnify her already booming voice. “7pm at the ice arena downtown! We’re going ice skating, so bring your holiday spirit, dammit!”

“We’re in!” Winn calls, punching James in the arm. 

Everyone starts to gather their things and discuss driving arrangements for the evening when a stern voice interrupts the chaos. 

“I’d like to join, if that’s alright,” Lena says, walking toward the group. She pulls the tie of her coat tight around her waist. She already has her purse over her shoulder, and Kara is surprised to see she’s ready to leave the office at the ungodly early hour of 5:30 pm. 

There’s a long lapse of silence as everyone gapes at her. Lena juts her chin upward slightly, as if preparing for a challenge. She continues to stand facing Sam and Kara with an unreadable expression. Kara elbows Sam.

“Lena, fantastic! We’d love to have you. 7pm at the arena.”

Lena nods, then passes through the group toward the exit.

“What was  _ that _ ?” Sam whispers to Kara. “Lena Luthor is _ joining _ us?”

Kara shrugs her shoulders as she gathers her coat. She attempts to hide the smile threatening to burst forth on her face, but she’s only moderately successful. She’s not sure if secret santa is the reason Lena is turning over a new leaf, but she’s excited at the prospect. Either way, Lena is putting herself out there enough to socialize with them.

How can anyone deny holiday miracles when something like  _ this _ is happening? 

The Pepsi Center ice arena is located a few blocks from Lena’s apartment, so she elects to walk there after a few thousand rounds of back and forth about why she should and shouldn’t show up. She eventually thinks back to what her secret santa -- her  _ coworker _ , she stubbornly corrects -- mentioned earlier. Perhaps she  _ has _ been a little too stand-offish in the past. She’s always so determined to be different from her family that instead it’s only backfired and made her more like them than she realizes. Between her peers finding her intimidating and unapproachable, and Cat saying its damaging her career, she knows she needs to make some changes. And fast.

She stands outside the entrance of the building, hesitating one final time as she tries to give herself enough of a pep talk to go in. She doesn’t know the first thing about ice skating, and she hardly knows any of her coworkers besides Sam, and now, Kara. Although, Kara barely counts, because she is the most popular person in the office, and she will hardly have the time to pay any attention to Lena if she isn’t forced to. The only reason they even talk is because of this foolish little project they're stuck working on. A pang of unexpected sadness hits Lena in the chest as she realizes she doesn’t mind spending time with Kara as much as she originally thought. In fact, she quite prefers it. 

And oh, what an inconvenience  _ that _ is.

“Lena, I’m pleased you’ve decided to join us,” Cat says, appearing by Lena’s shoulder as she continues to gawk at the building. “At least, I assume you’re joining? Or is this a desperate cry for help?” 

It’s now or never. Lena shakes her head and finally opens the door, allowing Cat to pass through before following her. They stand in the lobby. It’s funny to be inside a building she’s seen so many times on her errands around the city, but she’s never once had any desire or reason to visit. Now she finds herself in the middle of the chaos, surrounded by children in hockey equipment much too large for their bodies, and holiday well-wishers who probably shouldn’t be anywhere near shoes with sharp blades. She sighs. 

What exactly has she gotten herself into?

“Charming, isn’t it?” Cat says, wrinkling her nose. “Of all the events, you picked this one to participate in.”

“Yes well, I’m a masochist,” Lena begins, looking around. The arena smells of popcorn and rubber, and the idea of renting skates makes her cringe, but she’s  _ trying _ . “I suppose, though, that it’s time I join the holiday festivities.”

“Well, a word of advice,” Cat says, her hand resting on Lena’s shoulder. “If you insist on skating, wear thick socks.”

Lena’s brow furrows in confusion as Cat walks by her. “Oh and Lena? There’s no scotch at the concession stand. Believe me, I’ve already tried.”

“Where are you going?”

“Oh, I wouldn’t be caught dead on that ice,” Cat says, looking offended. “I’m just footing the bill. Christmas charity, and all that.” 

She waves before disappearing around the corner leaving Lena alone with her thoughts. She turns and goes over to the vendor to ask for some skates -- pushing the thought of just how many feet have been in them before her --  then proceeds to try to find anyone she might know. The fact that she actually can’t skate looms in the back of her mind, a small inconvenience that is becoming more of a big time problem as she stares at the ice. Maybe there will be others here who will just want to sit and watch. She laces her skates together and pulls tightly, then stands by the glass boards to wait for… a miracle.

Kara gets to the arena earlier than everyone else, hoping to sneak in some extra skating before she knows she’ll be distracted. She loves hanging out with her friends, but a few free moments where she can skate as fast as she wants is something she is really looking forward to. Before she knows it, she’s lost track of time completely, until she realizes her coworkers are already out on the ice. As she slows down, she catches a glimpse of someone familiar. Kara squints, trying to verify if that’s really Lena -- she  _ actually _ showed up?-- before she pulls over to the side. 

“I’m glad you came,” Kara says, gliding over and stopping in front of where Lena is standing, looking slightly out of place on her skates. Lena watches her with wide eyes, and Kara adjusts her glasses.

“A friend suggested I put myself out there more,” Lena says, shrugging. “I thought I’d give it a try.”

“Smart friend,” Kara comments, pushing aside the absurdity that she’s talking about herself. She decides to focus on the fact that Lena referred to her as a friend.  _ That _ is something. 

“Yeah,” Lena replies softly. “She is.”

“You look different,” Kara says, tilting her head as she examines Lena’s appearance. She’s dressed in jeans and a deep purple sweater, her hair spilling over her shoulder in soft lines. Her cheeks are warm and rosy against the cold air, and she looks younger than she does at the office. Softer. Gentler. Kara imagines this is what Lena looks like when she goes home and tucks into her couch to type her personal e-mails. The thought makes her blush. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you dress casual.”

Lena smiles bashfully, crossing her arms across her chest. “I thought skating in heels would be risky.”

Kara laughs. “Good call,” she says. “Well, you look great.”

“Thanks,” Lena says softly. Kara glances back out over the ice, before turning to Lena.

“Are you just going to watch or--?”

“It’s been awhile,” Lena says, looking warily at the ice. She taps her skate on the ground as if testing it for durability. 

“Oh, how long is awhile?”

“Never, actually,” Lena admits, staring at the floor. After a beat, she brings her eyes to meet Kara’s. 

“Come with me,” Kara says, extending her arms with her palms upward. “Take my hands. I’ll help you.”

Lena hesitates as she stares at Kara’s hands. She smiles timidly and then reaches out with her own shaking hands. Kara takes them gently. They’re soft and unsteady, squeezing against hers for dear life when they actually get out onto the ice. Kara bends her knees for balance so she can be a solid support for Lena to lean on. She glides backwards cautiously as Lena pushes forward on unstable legs. Eventually, they develop an easy rhythm as Lena seems to get her feet under her. Kara smiles as Lena’s eyes flash with excitement. 

“I’m doing it!” Lena exclaims, a huge smile on her face. “This is incredible!”

“You are,” Kara agrees, guiding them around the loop as she navigates backwards. “See? Nothing to it.”

“Where’d you learn to skate so well?” Lena asks, her eyebrow raised in jest. 

“Oh, just here and there. I love skating,” Kara says, digging her blades in to the ice easily. “I used to come here all the time with my sister.”

“I’m beginning to think you’re just full of secret talents. Is there anything you  _ can’t _ do, Kara?”

“Oh sure,” Kara scoffs, rolling her eyes. “That’s easy. I absolutely can’t bake. I’m hopeless at anything that has to do with an oven.”

“I guess I’ll have to teach you then,” Lena says, scrunching her nose playfully. “A lesson for a lesson.”

“Deal.”

They continue around the ice, with Lena gaining more confidence through every stride. Kara’s cheeks hurt from smiling as Lena laughs --  _ actually laughs _ \-- when they start to go faster. 

“Kara! No!” Lena gasps between laughter. “I can’t --”

“You’re fine,” Kara says, tightening her grip. “Don’t worry, I’ve got you.”

Their eyes meet and Lena smiles, nodding slightly as they skate on. Kara’s entire face flushes, and she squeezes just a little tighter, trying to emphasize her point. She feels the way Lena relaxes completely in her grip. They carry on in comfortable silence as Christmas music plays all around them. Kara forgets that there are other people in the arena -- forgets about plans she’s made for afterwards, forgets about almost everything else -- except for being here in this moment with Lena.

It feels like Christmas has come early, and she never, ever wants it to end. But all too soon the music winds down, and all too quickly, they find themselves being ushered off the ice as the lights flicker a final warning.

“Thanks for the lesson,” Lena says afterward as she sits on the bench with a huff. She winces slightly as she bends down to untie her skates. Kara frowns, but Lena just waves her off. “I think I used muscles I didn’t even know I had.”

“Maybe we’ll do it again sometime,” Kara says, slinging her skate bag over her shoulder. She hesitates, wanting to linger as long as possible. But instead, she decides not to push her luck. The night has already been pretty perfect, and not once did they have to discuss work. She smiles. “Good night, Lena.”

“Night,” Lena says, waving slightly. She watches as Kara retreats, her thoughts too overwhelming to actually sort through right now. That will be something to contemplate later, after a hot shower and a nice glass of scotch.

Lena reaches down to pull off her other skate when someone sits down next to her. She sits up and smiles, noticing Eve.

“Did you have fun?” Eve asks, untying her own skates. “I was worried people wouldn’t want to come!”

“You put this together?” Lena asks, angling herself to face Eve a little more.

“Oh, yeah, I love this time of year,” Eve says wistfully. “Ice skating is one of my favorite traditions.”

“Good to know,” Lena says softly. An inexplicable wave of disappointment crashes over her as she stares back out to the ice where she was feeling so free only moments earlier. “Thanks for organizing it.”

 

Xx

 

The next two weeks pass by in a blur of furious activity and late night editing. There’s barely any time for extra holiday cheer, although Kara still makes the effort to host a Christmas party in between deadlines. Lena declines, but sends a gift basket of wine and chocolate anyway -- a small token that Kara appreciates, considering the source. Weeks ago, Lena wouldn’t have even opened the invitation. In fact, despite everything, Kara has noticed some small things shifting in their relationship. They’re less formal with their logistics now; Kara walks through Lena’s office door casually, without knocking, on a regular basis. It feels  _ weird _ , like she’s entered some alternate universe where she and Lena just casually drop in on each other almost like friends, but it also feels good. Like progress. Kara may not have converted Lena into a full time holiday enthusiast, but she’s gotten far enough that working with her is actually quite enjoyable. In fact, she thinks she’s going to miss it when all is said and done.

They continue to chip away at the holiday edition around the clock, and even though they’re definitely closer as far as colleagues go now, there’s still a stoic and cold professionalism that Lena exudes whenever things get a little too comfortable. Kara’s too busy and too focused on the project to let it bother her -- but when she does allow herself to take a breather, she remembers that she’s working against more than one looming deadline. 

“Hey, I’m glad you’re here,” Lena says as Kara walks into her office for their afternoon session. She stands from her desk and starts walking toward her. “I just went through and --- hang on, is that Big Belly Burger?” Lena points to the bags in Kara’s hands. The inviting smell of fast food beckons them to put work on hold in order to indulge in some lunch. Kara nods with a smile as she holds them out. Lena’s face lights up. “Kara Danvers, you are quickly turning into one of my favorite people around here.”

“Oh, stop,” Kara says, embarrassed, shrugging off the compliment as Lena steers them to the corner of her office where her couch is. This has started to become a routine as they’ve taken more working lunches together. Kara places the bags down and takes a seat. “Anyway, I thought we could review your notes first, and then I wanted to show you what I’ve written so far.”

“Absolutely. But burgers first,” Lena says, taking the container of fries from Kara’s outstretched hand. 

“Always burgers first,” Kara agrees, pulling one out of the bag. 

They eat in companionable silence until the TV across Lena’s office flashes with a breaking news alert. The volume is just enough that they can hear, and Kara watches as a familiar face flashes across the screen. 

It’s Lena, she realizes, her stomach doing flips. Her face looks tired on screen, the lines under her eyes more pronounced from a significant lack of sleep. She looks...defeated. Kara frowns as she continues to watch. She knows this courtroom footage is from months ago. She recalls hearing about it on the news and catching whispers of it around the office-- something about Lena being involved in a high profile trial. But the details are fuzzy, and Kara never got a chance to investigate it further. The image flips to another familiar face, one she’s seen before but never really had cause to think about until now. Lillian Luthor, the screen says.

Lena Luthor’s mother.

“--The defense is questioning Lena Luthor’s testimony, categorizing it as a disgruntled rant from an estranged daughter,” the news reporter declares. “Lillian Luthor is set to appeal charges…”

The sound on the TV disappears. Kara turns back to where Lena is pointing the remote firmly at the screen. Her jaw clenches as she slowly lowers her hand.

Heavy silence cloaks the room. Kara isn’t sure what to say or do without crossing some firm lines. She sniffles slightly and wrings her hands in her lap.  

“Can we--” Lena begins, her voice cracking. She clears her throat, a more determined expression appearing on her face. “Can we work on this later?”

“Yeah-- yeah, of course,” Kara says, gathering her things. “I’ll -- um. I’ll edit some of my parts and then I’ll come by later.”

“Great,” Lena says, distracted as she faces the silent TV screen. The story is still running, but Lena looks like she already knows what’s being said.

Kara starts to leave, but as she reaches the door to Lena’s office, she turns back.

“You know, for what it’s worth, you’re more than your family name,” Kara says, her eyes flickering back to the TV for one last look. She catches Lillian Luthor’s sharp stare, and the way her smile penetrates through the screen. She knows Lena is adopted, but the similarities in expression are eerily similar. She doesn’t know the full story about what Lena has gone through, but she knows what she’s saying is true. Just like Kara’s own family, a name may hold significance, but it isn’t enough to define who she is. Lena turns to face her, her eyes watery with tears that she sniffs back, refusing to let them fall. “And just because your family has chosen a path, doesn’t mean you have to follow the same one.”

Lena nods with a pained smile, as she attempts an airy laugh. “I guess we’ll have to see,” she manages. “Thanks, Kara.”

Kara leaves Lena’s office feeling numb. She knew Lena’s family had a lot of baggage, but she really didn’t know the extent of it until now. She takes a seat at her desk, staring into space. She can’t even begin to process the last ten minutes. Her mind is racing. 

“Okay, don’t take this the wrong way, but you look terrible,” Sam says, pulling up a seat and sliding next to Kara’s desk. “What happened?”

“I’m--” Kara shakes her head, looking around the office. Most of her coworkers are gone for lunch, so the floor is fairly empty. “I had no idea about Lena’s family.”

“What do you mean?” Sam asks, frowning. 

“I mean, I knew  _ something _ happened, but I didn’t know it was this whole court case, and that her mother is in prison. Like, high security prison, where legitimate  _ criminals _ go.”

“Wait, you know what happened to her brother, right?” Sam asks. Kara shakes her head. “And how her mother is in prison-- because Lena put her there?”

Sam explains the saga, much to Kara’s dismay -- she tells about how Lena’s brother disappeared into the shadows after whispers that he was involved in an embezzlement scheme, misappropriating enough funds that it would be a felony if he was convicted. 

“But it’s not like he killed anyone,” Kara says, trying to convince herself that even though it’s terrible, it isn’t as bad as it could be. Sam’s face is drawn, and Kara hesitates. “Or…?”

“Supposedly, there’s enough evidence to convict him of more than just white collar crime,” Sam says, “But I don’t know the details. Her mother, though --  _ that’s _ a story.”

“What did she do?” Kara asks, wincing. Lillian’s face is etched permanently in her brain, and Kara braces for the facts of her crimes.

“Oh, she essentially ran an underground terrorist group under the guise of a technology company and then tried to frame Lena for murder. You know, typical mother-daughter bonding things.”

“Am I the only one who didn’t know?”

“I thought everyone knew,” Sam says. Her face softens as Kara’s shoulders slump. “I mean, we don’t know  _ details _ , only what they put on the news, but still. The Luthor family downfall is highly profiled. Come on Kara, I thought you were a journalist.”

“You guys could have  _ mentioned _ it!” Kara argues, already taking to her laptop to search for details. She knows she probably should have done this earlier, but the thought never really crossed her mind. The Luthor family always felt distant, too far out of reach for her to ever tangibly consider them. They were always more of a concept than actual people. She admits this is a terrible thing to think, but with Lena existing constantly out of reach, it was the only logical way to act. Then once Kara got the brilliant idea to get to know Lena, it felt dishonest to start snooping behind her back. 

But what difference does it make? She’s already sneaking around enough that perhaps being more informed would have helped her today when confronted unexpectedly with Lena’s past.

Later that night, while Kara is sitting in front of her laptop racking her brain for  _ something _ comforting to say, an e-mail interrupts her thoughts.

**L.Luthor says** : Did you get along well with your mother?

**L.Luthor says** : I’m sorry, that’s probably too invasive of a question.

Kara knows why she’s asking, and even though it stings a little with the reminder of everything she’s lost, she resigns herself to be strong. 

**SecretSanta says** : We always got along really well. Of course, I was too young to be at odds with her, but I’m sure we would have had our differences, if given the chance. 

Kara pauses, then decides to feign ignorance. 

**SecretSanta says** : Do you get along with yours?

**L.Luthor says** : My real mother was beautiful. She was kind and gentle and loving. She used to sing to me all the time, she had the most beautiful voice...almost like Julie Andrews. I miss her every day. She died when I was 4.

**SecretSanta says** : That’s why you like that song so much.

**L.Luthor says** : :) 

**SecretSanta says** : I’m sorry you lost her.

**L.Luthor says** : We both know loss. 

**L.Luthor says** : I never liked my adoptive mother, though. And that feeling is absolutely mutual.

**SecretSanta says** : How come?

**L.Luthor says** : Oh, I always fall short in her eyes. I was never as good as my brother, never smart enough, never clever enough, never had the right “look”. If there was ever something to nitpick, my mother would find it and then some. And now, she’s locked away in prison, and I’m still constantly seeking her approval. Seems strange, doesn’t it?

**SecretSanta says** : Well, she’s still the mom that raised you. It seems logical that you’d want that. 

**L.luthor says** : She wants to see me. 

**SecretSanta says** : Are you going to go?

**L.Luthor says** : Not a chance.

Kara understands Lena’s reaction, and truthfully, she wonders if she would feel any different in Lena’s position. But the overwhelming need to reconcile her past -- to have some sense of a family, no matter what the consequence -- seems to win out. She doesn’t want Lena to be left all alone if there’s even a sliver of a chance that Lillian wants to ask for forgiveness.

**SecretSanta says** : It’s your decision, but I know I’ve spent a lot of time wishing I could talk to people that are no longer here. Your mom is still here. She may never change, but you won’t know unless you try. It could be good for you.

**L.Luthor says** : Yeah. Hey, thanks for listening.

**SecretSanta says** : Of course. Maybe this will cheer you up. Do you have a favorite Christmas memory?

**L.Luthor says** : I remember one year. It was probably the last Christmas we actually spent as a somewhat normal family, if you can believe that. We had tickets to the Nutcracker. And it was just beautiful. The dancing was mesmerizing, the music was so elegantly composed. And the whole time I just remember thinking-- I wish I could always feel this free. Lillian actually smiled. It was a perfect night.

**SecretSanta says** : You deserve to always feel like that. 

Lena sits staring at her screen long after she’s sure her secret santa has fallen asleep. She types a short message that she knows she’ll never send and lets it sit there for far too long to be a coincidence. 

_ You make me feel like that.  _

She sighs, hitting backspace one letter at a time, until there’s nothing left but a blank page.  

 

Xx

 

The maximum security facility where her mother is held is located several hours north of National City, closer to the capital. For the past year, Lena hasn’t had any desire or excuse to go there, because even during the best of times, her relationship with Lillian  has always been strained. Once she went to prison, Lena thought the ties would be severed for good, as a conviction is hardly an invitation to start repairing a relationship. It’s also hard to shrug aside extortion and an attempt to frame someone for murder, but it speaks volumes that this isn’t the most concerning part of their fractured relationship. 

Still, there’s something about this year in particular that has her questioning everything. Something about the holiday spirit is indeed infectious, and it has her longing to mend the bridges of relationships she thought long burned beyond recognition. If she can reach out to her mother, and extend a semblance of an olive branch, then maybe that will help rid her conscience of the unnecessary guilt it still holds on to. 

At least she can say she tried. 

The buzzer sounds off as the doors open, permitting Lena inside. Her mother sits with her back ramrod straight, staring at the door, her wrists handcuffed to the table. She looks different in shackles, Lena notes. Still imposing, and still judgmental, but more human, in a way. Her fallacies now have chains that can’t be hidden from sight, and it serves as a staunch reminder of Lena’s one victory over her mother. Even a Luthor can be tripped up by the long arm of the law.

She sits down across from Lillian quietly. 

“To what do I owe this pleasure?” Lillian asks, her eyebrow ticked up in amusement. Lena knows she has the same habit, and it ignites a fire in her stomach. “You refused to take my calls, I didn’t think you would actually venture down here.” She gives Lena a grating once-over that seems to rake over her skin as her lips curl in displeasure. She forces her face to be impassive, but Lena knows better. She raises her chin in defiance.

“I just thought, with it being the holidays, that I would come and see how you’re doing,” Lena explains. “‘Tis the season, or so they say.”

“How festive of you,” Lillian chides. 

“I could go,” Lena says, starting to stand up. “I don’t know why I wasted--”

“No!” Lillian exclaims. “No. Please stay. I told myself I would be different.”

Lena scoffs as she reclaims her seat. She stares at her mother with her arms crossed. “Well?”

“I wanted you to come here so I could tell you in person that I’m sorry,” Lillian says. “I never  _ wanted _ to hurt you. There is just so much you don’t understand, and so much I never got to tell you. I  _ do _ love you, Lena. In my own way.”

Lillian reaches forward, her palms facing up as she extends her arms toward Lena. The chains of the handcuffs clink against the desk as she moves. Lena stares curiously at the offering before her. The alarm bells go off in her head, but she tries to silence them. She’s been here before. Time after time, it seems, her mother tries to tempt her with promises and declarations of love before pulling away at the last moment. There’s no reason to believe her, now. But Lena decides to give it a chance -- a probationary period, she thinks -- as she tentatively places her hands on top of her mother’s. She wants to hear her out so she can deduce what she’s really up to. 

Lillian never does anything affectionate unless she wants something.

“You have a hell of a way of showing it.”

Lillian sighs. “I only wish I could have been a better mother to you when I had the chance. And now it seems you need me more than ever. I’m just sorry I can’t be there to help you,” Lillian says, squeezing Lena’s hands a little tighter. 

“Help me with what, exactly?”

“Your choices, your career. You’re wasting away in that ivory tower of a media conglomerate and for what? That place isn’t you. It’s a cesspool. You don’t belong there, Lena. You could be doing so much more for the world. Which is why--” she pulls Lena’s hands closer toward her, leaning forward as she speaks, “you should join me.”

“Join you? In prison?” Lena laughs audibly now. She pulls her hands away. “You’re delusional if you think I’m going to help you in any way after what you’ve done.”

“Oh these walls? They won’t contain me for long, I’d have thought you knew me better than that,” Lillian tuts disapprovingly. Lena feels warm with latent rage at the way her mother talks down to her-- and, more than that, how shen is probably right. Prison is no match for a Luthor with unlimited money and influence. “And when I’m out of here, I want another chance to make things right with you. Let me prove to you that it can be different. We can work together. Your brother is smart, but he doesn’t have what you have. You are absolutely fiendish. You are cold and cunning, and more like me than you want to admit. With your brilliance, you could be great, you know.”

“Oh, I  _ am _ great,” Lena says, allowing her mouth to hang open slightly as she speaks, emphasizing her words. “I don’t need you to tell me that.”

“You are wasting your potential, pretending to be someone you’re not,” Lillian says sharply. Her eyes flash with anger. “Why are you trying so hard to be Cat Grant when you can be Lena Luthor?”

Lena allows the words to hit her before retaliating. She hates that this is the most flattering thing her mother has ever said to her, and how, as usual, it feels all  _ wrong _ . But she wishes it could be true. She wishes her mother actually did see her like that. But the fact is, Lillian needs something, and will stop at nothing to get it, including manipulating her own daughter. Lena seethes with anger. She isn’t trying to be Cat Grant. She’s trying to be… who, exactly? She doesn’t know the answer, yet. But she knows what she’s not. She’s not Lillian Luthor, no matter what her mother says. She’s not someone who will purposefully endanger people’s lives for her own gain. There are a lot of things she will do -- some questionable, some shady -- when it comes to protecting people she loves and doing what she believes is right. But she is not a criminal, and she is not malicious. The only point that Lillian has made that even comes close to being true is the fact that her intellect can be used for so much good. That’s all she’s ever wanted. She wants to be known for doing something positive, last name be damned.

“Thank you for the sales pitch,” Lena says finally, gathering herself as she stands to go. “And thank you for making it so easy for me to turn down. Good bye, mother. Merry Christmas.”

 

Xx

 

A pinging sound jolts Kara awake. She groggily opens her eyes, a strange pain radiating along her neck and jaw as she realizes she’s fallen asleep on her laptop. The keys stick to her cheek as she pulls away, adjusting her glasses and squinting at the time. 6 am. Crap.

The last thing she remembers is typing furiously late into the night, trying to get the finishing touches on her parts of the holiday feature. Today they are planning to take a draft to Cat. 

Today.

“Oh no!” she exclaims, shaking her head more fully awake. She looks over at her draft and sighs, erasing the endless lines of ‘G’s’ she somehow drew while unconscious. After a quick read through, the rest of the draft sounds fairly cohesive, though she’s sure Lena will want to make adjustments.

Lena.

She remembers the sound of her e-mail jarring her awake and navigates to her secret santa inbox. There, in imposing letters, is the one subject line she absolutely _ isn’t _ ready to read.

[ **L.Luthor@catco.com** ](mailto:L.Luthor@catco.com) :  **Subject: We should meet.**

Kara panics, and immediately slaps her laptop closed. No, no, no, no. Not now. They can’t meet now. The deadline for the holiday feature is tomorrow at midnight. She can’t risk revealing herself too early for a myriad of reasons, the most important being Lena never speaking to her again and putting the entire project in jeopardy. There are other, more personal reasons, too, that Kara can’t even begin to think about. What if Lena never speaks to her again? What if she regrets telling Kara all the things she’s told her? Kara swallows heavily. Those will still be considerations for the night of the party when she’s forced to come clean, but at least by then, their work together will be complete. Then it will only be Kara’s heart at risk.

She tries to take a few calming breaths before opening her laptop again. She can’t ignore Lena’s message, but she definitely can’t meet up with her yet. Instead, she types out a lighthearted response that she hopes will suffice and buy her a little extra time. At least enough until the party.

**SecretSanta says** : And ruin the surprise? We only have a week to go! :)

**L.Luthor says** : Alright, holiday expert. I guess I’ll just have to wait. So tell me, what’s one Christmas thing you  _ haven’t _ done?

**Secretsanta says** : I’ve actually never gone on a real sleigh ride - crazy, right? 

 

Xx

 

“I’m going to take this to Cat,” Lena finally says, holding up the final draft. She straightens the papers against her desk and clips them together before depositing it into her bag. 

“No, we’re both going to,” Kara says, standing. “We both worked so hard on this, I want to be there when we hand it over.” She stretches, her muscles tight from being hunched over her laptop for the past few hours making frantic edits as Lena called out ideas. She’s exhausted, but they’re finished. 

“You’re no push over, are you Kara Danvers?” Lena asks, giving her an appreciative once-over. Kara clenches her jaw under Lena’s careful scrutiny. “Alright. Let’s go.”

As they turn to leave, Lena’s office door bursts open and a silver haired man in a suit comes flying through waving papers and yelling loudly.

“You’re more of a lunatic than your brother!” he declares, storming across the threshold. 

“Excuse me?” Kara asks, turning and stepping in front of Lena to deflect the man’s hostile energy. She crosses her arms, and even thought she knows she can’t necessarily  _ stop _ him, he’s still going to have to go through her first before getting to Lena.

“Morgan, what can I do for you?” Lena asks coolly from behind her. 

“How  _ dare  _ you slander my company -- “ Morgan yells, throwing the papers at Lena and watching as they flutter down around them. “This entire publication is  _ trash _ !”

“You’re dangerously close to being thrown out by security,” Lena says firmly, no trace of emotion in her voice. Kara shivers involuntarily, more from Lena’s cold demeanor than from staring down the man in front of her. 

“I could  _ ruin _ you!” Morgan declares, pointing over Kara’s shoulder. “You’re just another disgraced Luthor and I will make sure everyone  _ knows _ it.”

“The Luthor name doesn’t deserve Lena,” Kara hisses through clenched teeth, her voice as strong as she can make it. “Get him out of here,” Kara says as security approaches Lena’s office.

The security guards pull Morgan away yelling, his threats eventually dying down when they get him around the corner.

Lena walks slowly over to her decanter and pours herself a glass of scotch. She doesn’t say a word, allowing the liquid to slowly fill her glass before she takes it over to her couch. She sits down quietly, tucking her leg underneath her as she curls up into the corner -- a position Kara is familiar with, but finds startlingly out of place when coming from Lena. She always puts on such a strong, brave front that it’s alarming to see her so shaken. Kara tentatively approaches, sitting down without an invitation. Lena swirls the liquid in her glass, staring at it hard, refusing to speak. Kara folds her hands in her lap, patiently offering comfort in their silence. After a small sip, Lena turns to Kara with a sad smile.

“No one’s ever stood up for me like that,” she says softly, the side of her mouth turning up in a half smile. Kara feels the loneliness in every word Lena speaks. “Thank you, Kara.”

Kara doesn’t know what to do, but she scoots herself closer and puts her arm around Lena’s shoulders. She questions whether Lena will shrink away or be comforted by her touch, but she can’t imagine having someone burst into her office screaming at her. All she would want is for someone to hold her and tell her it’s okay, so that’s what she does. Lena stiffens, before allowing herself to relax in Kara’s arms. She reaches for Kara’s hand and squeezes it. 

“Now you have someone that will stand up for you, always,” Kara promises, leaning her forehead against the side of Lena’s head.

They sit in silence for a few moments until Lena shifts in Kara’s arms. She releases her grip and Lena straightens up, taking a long sip from her drink. She stares out the office door.

“He’s an old colleague of my brother’s,” Lena explains, even though Kara doesn’t ask. “And just as guilty as he is. He doesn’t like that I refuse to look the other way.”

“Are you worried about what he’ll do?”

“If I was worried about all the threats against me, I’d never leave my house,” Lena says, smiling despite the glossy look in her eyes. “Goes with the territory.”

“You shouldn’t have to face that alone,” Kara says.

“Boxes,” Lena says, her chin raised defiantly. “That’s how I survive.”

“Boxes?”

“Boxes,” Lena repeats. “You have to take all the negative feelings -- the anger, the fear, the resentment, all of it -- and shove it into boxes, and then shove those boxes so deep inside yourself that you forget you even had feelings in the first place. And then you keep going.”

She checks her watch and gathers up their work, looking at the door expectantly. Kara takes the cue and doesn’t say anything, choosing to silently march along by Lena’s side. They still have a full day of work to get through, and a long walk to Cat Grant’s office for a final approval on their project. Apparently, threats and personal attacks can be easily pushed aside into small boxes, and Kara tries to do the same.

She doesn’t think she’ll ever be successful with this method, but it certainly explains a lot about Lena Luthor. 

 

Xx

 

“Where’s Lena? I wanted to get the final copies of the articles--” Kara asks Winn later that afternoon. She’s been searching around their floor frantically, but to no avail.  Lena isn’t in her office, and hasn’t been for an hour, which is strange, because she’s  _ always _ in her office. He shrugs her off and she continues down the hallway, stopping at Brainy’s desk.

“Hey, have you seen Lena?”

“She’s having lunch with Eve,” Brainy answers, not looking up from his laptop. 

“She’s-- what? Are you sure?” Kara asks. “Lena?”

“Yes, there is no other Lena here in this office. In fact, I believe the name Lena only appears 5 times in the listings for National City,” Brainy says, his eyes darting around as he calculates. He types away at his laptop, grinning. “And if you look here--” he points-- “ Lena Luthor counts for 4 of them.” He glances at Kara, his eyes widening with surprise. He turns his laptop back to himself. “You look-- upset. Are you also hungry? I can eat again if you need company.”

“No, I’m-- why would I be upset? Upset? That’s--” Kara tries to laugh, but it turns into a strangled cough. She clears her throat. “I’m  _ not _ upset. No.”

“You’re not upset,” Brainy says, shaking his head. “Forgive me for saying, Kara, but you are very confusing.”

Kara grits her teeth in frustration. Since when is Lena close with Eve? Since when does Eve even talk to Lena? Since when does Kara care so much about who Lena eats lunch with? She just needs to get the final copies of these articles, that’s why she’s so anxious right now and --

Oh. Oh, no.

Alex’s jokes about her crush on Lena ring in her ears, and she shakes her head like she’s trying to dislodge the idea. She knows she has a strange  _ fascination _ with Lena, and maybe it could be bordering on a crush of some sort, but the feeling she has right now is something else entirely. No, this is jealousy, green eyed and raging, more than Kara has ever experienced in her life. And it’s unnecessary, but too powerful for her to control. Her stomach twists at the mere  _ idea _ of someone else potentially capturing Lena’s attention, and that’s the most frustrating part of it all. Lena isn’t hers to be jealous of.

“Will you please just tell her that I’m looking for her?” Kara bursts, rushing away quickly. If she stands there any longer thinking about Lena on a lunch date with Eve, she will absolutely start seeing red.

“Got it. You’re looking for her, and you are  _ not _ upset. I will tell her.”

“I-- agh, forget it. Yes, that’s fine,” Kara grumbles quickly heading back to her desk.

An hour later, Kara is too busy slamming the keys on her laptop to notice someone popping by her desk. She continues typing, mumbling angrily to herself until she hears a throat clear.

“You were right,” a soft, harmonious voice calls out. Kara whips around and comes face to face with a smiling Lena. Her eyes sparkle like she’s keeping a secret, and Kara’s heart actually  _ aches _ at how pretty she is. Apparently, she’s allowing her crush on Lena to take over her entirely, so much so that she forgets to be mad about Eve and the alleged lunch date. “Cat loves the holidays around the world theme. She’s putting it to print this afternoon.”

“And you thought the recession was a good idea,” Kara quips, crossing her arms. “I never thought you would be so cynical.” She smiles at the way Lena’s head dips and the way her eyes flutter to the floor, embarrassed. She looks back up with such intensity that it’s almost breathtaking. Kara clears her throat. 

“Of course you did,” she says, her mouth parted knowingly. Kara chuckles, shaking her head. “Brainy said you were looking for me?”

“Oh, yeah, it was nothing, I just wanted to get a copy of the final articles,” Kara says, pulling her eyes away from Lena. She’s afraid her face is going to give  _ something _ away -- her feelings, her secrets, her  _ everything _ \-- so she focuses on packing up her bags. 

“I can get them for you,” Lena offers. “It will only take a minute.” Her phone rings as she’s talking and she frowns as she checks it. “Ah, sorry Kara, I have to take this. I’ll get you the copy as soon as I’m done.”

“Yeah, okay,” Kara nods, acting cheerful. “No rush.”

Lena answers her phone and walks away with a smile, leaving Kara feeling wholly and completely alone. It’s strange, to be sitting in the office, surrounded by her friends, and feel so empty, but Kara can’t shake the feeling that everything is starting to unravel. She decides she doesn’t want to wait for Lena to return, and instead gathers her things quietly and slips out the exit.

Lena returns to Kara’s desk less than an hour later, but everything is cleared away. It looks like she took off in an awful hurry, and Lena feels inexplicably disappointed. She glances around and notices Alex still at her desk, so she walks over. 

“Oh hey, is Kara still here? I wanted to leave these articles for her,” Lena says, holding them up for Alex to see, like she needs evidence and proof of a reason to visit Kara. It feels forced, but if it’s awkward, Alex doesn’t comment.

“I think she actually left already,” Alex says, turning to check Kara’s desk. She frowns slightly, which Lena notices, but it’s fleeting. She turns back and nods, “but you can just leave them on her desk. She’ll see them in the morning.”

“Thanks,” Lena replies gratefully. 

Lena goes to place the folder on Kara’s desk, when she realizes just how festive Kara’s entire cube is. She looks around quickly, scanning the area to see who could be catching her snooping, but Alex is preoccupied. She realizes she’s never been around Kara’s desk for more than a few minutes, and definitely not when Kara isn’t around. She straightens herself and  takes more of an appraisal. It’s… cheerful, which isn’t surprising. There are holiday lights and little decorations all around her space, and a small wreath hanging on the wall sporting a beautiful red bow. There are tons of photographs hung everywhere-- some of Kara with friends, others with pictures of places that she imagines must hold some significance. There are a few photographs placed in frames and lined up around Kara’s docking station as well. Lena leans in for a closer look. When she does, she notices the picture from the holiday fair and her own smiling face beaming back at her. Kara took the time to get this particular photo framed, and Lena touches the glass, staring at Kara’s impossibly big smile and bright blue eyes reflecting back at her. She sighs, replacing the photo back where it belongs. She touches another framed photograph, this one of Kara and Alex in front of a Christmas tree with santa hats, arms around each other as they laugh toward the camera. Lena can’t help but smile back as she looks at the way Kara’s entire face lights up.

If Christmas spirit were a person, it would be Kara Danvers. And if that were the case, Lena Luthor would be absolutely enamored with all things Christmas.

She’s about to place the photograph back when she notices the tree behind their heads. She squints at the photo, pulling it closer as she studies the star on the top. It has a symbol on it that Lena swears she’s seen before -- a peculiar ‘S’ design that doesn’t necessarily mean anything to her, but her mind seems to think it should. She frowns, staring at it for a few more moments before it comes to her.

It’s a Kryptonian symbol, one from the lost city of Krypton that Lena only saw for the first time the other night. She came across it in her research after talking with her secret santa. She found herself curious about the city, and fell down a rabbit hole of facts about the culture and their language. She knows it’s a family coat of arms, and that it means ‘stronger together’. 

She also now knows something far more valuable about this symbol: This is proof that Kara Danvers and her secret santa are, in fact, one in the same.

Lena puts the photo back and rushes out of the office. 

 

Xx

 

The CatCo holiday party is a no expense spared classy affair that makes its home at the Grand Hotel in downtown National City. As the name suggests, nothing is too grand or too decadent when it comes to Cat Grant’s ability to throw a year end spectacular. The venue is decked out for the holidays in an elegant theme -- with elaborate ice sculptures and a huge christmas tree in the center made entirely of poinsettias. It’s a beautiful space, well lit with a crystal chandelier that hangs from the ceiling, twinkling and sparkling with the soft glow of the holidays. A garland covered in white lights wraps along the banisters of the stairs that lead to the great hall. Kara takes the stairs on shaky feet, trying her best to keep her nerves in check. 

The maitre’d opens the doors to the space, and Kara enters somehow even more nervous than when she got there, which is saying something. She can’t remember the last time she was  _ this _ nervous, especially when entering a party. Usually, she  _ loves _ parties, especially ones with a holiday theme. Not to mention this year, she should be  _ ecstatic _ , as there’s an entire table of potstickers with her name on it. Literally, they have her name on them, since she ate so many last year that everyone complained and then pitched in so she could have her own share for this year’s party. Sometimes it pays off to have an incredible appetite and an even more incredible metabolism.

But right now, her stomach is in anxious knots at the fact that tonight is the night she has to come clean to Lena. She doesn’t know if it will matter -- if it’s too late for Lena to even care anymore, considering her new friend  _ Eve _ \-- but Kara still has to confess that she’s been lying to her. She hopes Lena understands that it was all in the spirit of the season, and that Kara would never tell anyone the things they talked about as either secret santa  _ or _ as herself. But she just can’t shake the feeling that things are going to be drastically different by the time the night is over. 

“Have you seen Lena?” Alex asks, nudging her as they walk across to where the food is kept. 

“I don’t know, maybe she’s coming with Eve,” Kara says, trying her best not to sound bitter. She knows she failed though, based on Alex’s judgemental reaction. She bites into a potsticker angrily. “What?”

“Why would she come with Eve?” Alex asks, studying her with her annoyingly inquisitive eyes. 

“She’s not with Eve,” Sam says, sauntering up with a grin. She pulls her hand out of her pocket and offers it to Alex. “You look wonderful, by the way,” she says, smiling. Alex blushes and Sam turns back to Kara.

“How do you know that?” Kara asks, taking another look around the room. Still no sign of Lena. Maybe she won’t come at all. Kara isn’t sure if that makes things better or worse. 

“Because we actually had a conversation for more than 2 minutes yesterday, it was wild,” Sam explains, grabbing a plate and starting her way down the food line. Kara and Alex follow. “Anyway, we ended up in the elevator together and she just started talking to me about all kinds of things. I’ve never heard her that talkative before.” Sam opens a buffet lid and frowns at the broccoli inside, quickly replacing it as she moves forward.

Kara takes several more potstickers on to her plate, feeling herself getting more and more annoyed at Lena’s chipper mood with Sam. Maybe lunch went so well she just couldn’t contain her happiness. Kara stabs the potsticker with a fork. 

Sam watches her with a frown. “She was coming back from lunch and she mentioned how she went because she thought Eve was her secret santa---”

“Eve? Why would she think it was Eve?” Alex asks incredulously. “Kara has been the most obvious about it from the beginning.”

“Hey!”

“So you  _ do _ have her! I knew it!” Sam exclaims, clapping the tongs in her hand to make a metallic clanking noise. “This is going to be epic!”

“Keep your voice down!” Kara warns, looking around again for any sign of Lena. The Christmas music is loud enough that no one is paying their little conversation any mind, but she’s still feeling very on edge. She’s made it this far, but Lena accidentally overhearing their conversation is  _ not _ how she wants to tell her the truth.

“Oh, you can count on it. I’m not ruining this surprise. I can’t wait to see Lena’s face,” Sam says, her eyes wide and excited. “Anyway, she said she was wrong, and it’s not Eve, and then I asked if she was coming to the party with anyone. She said no.”

“Interesting,” Alex says, looking pointedly at Kara. “Isn’t that interesting, Kara?”

“Yeah, great, interesting,” Kara says, distracted. She hears what Sam is saying, and she wants to believe her, but she’s not out of the woods. Not yet. Not until she sees Lena and gets to talk to her herself will she feel a little better about this Eve situation. But there’s still a little glimmer of hope that flickers deep in her gut at the prospect of this night turning out in her favor. She grabs a second plate, feeling suddenly famished, and decides to pile it full and enjoy whatever she can out of this party while she’s able.

They grab some drinks and find a table to settle into, and before long, Kara forgets to be stressed. Most of her friends are here by now and it gives her a chance to forget about herself a little. She watches Alex nervously flirt with Sam, who is nervously flirting back, and she laughs at Winn who is trying to construct a nativity scene out of spring rolls and meatballs. The entire structure falls down when James knocks into the table, prompting Kara to quickly grab the drinks in her vicinity and stand to avoid a disaster. Alex and Sam follow suit, and soon they end up standing by the dance floor, quietly observing. 

“I love this song,” Sam eventually says, looking directly at Alex as Silver Bells -- a perfect slow melody -- starts to play. 

“It’s a great one,” Alex agrees. Kara takes a sip of her champagne as she looks between the two of them -- Sam, clearly implying that she wants to dance, and Alex, clearly wanting to ask but hesitating for God only knows what reason. Kara clears her throat, prompting a glare from Alex. “We should-- I mean, if you want to-- we could always--” Alex points to the dance floor. 

“Damn Alex, I thought Ruby would be in college by the time you asked,” Sam says, a hundred watt smile spreading across her face. “Lead the way!”

Kara takes their drinks and stands alongside, smiling, happy that they’re  _ finally _ making progress. At least one of her holiday wishes has come true.

“Well that’s been a long time coming,” a voice croons next to Kara’s ear.  

“I know, I’ve been trying to get them together forever---” Kara turns to the source of the voice. Her heart practically leaps into her throat. “Lena! I’m-- You’re here. Hi!”

“I am,” Lena says, holding up a glass of champagne in a greeting. “Hi yourself.”

Kara can’t help the way her mouth hangs open as she takes in Lena’s appearance -- she’s all curves and smooth, silky skin in a tight black dress that leaves nothing to the imagination. Her hair is up in a tight bun, which exposes the entire length of her neck and draws the eye to her immaculately constructed collarbones. Kara swallows heavily. 

“Cheers,” Kara offers, when she finally finds her voice. Their glasses clink together and they each take a sip. “Congratulations.” Lena’s eyebrow ticks upward and Kara clarifies. “On finishing the articles.”

“Ah,” Lena says, nodding slowly. “Congratulations to you too. I left the final copies on your desk.”

“Thanks. Sorry I had to leave early. I wanted to make sure I had enough time for all this,” Kara says, gesturing around her to the party. Lena smiles. “Anyway. We uh-- we made a really great team.” 

Kara holds out her hand awkwardly. There’s so much more she wants to say, but she figures this is all she can safely get away with for now. Lena stares at it for a moment before shaking it.

“We really did,” Lena says, her voice containing a strange hint of sadness to it. Kara ignores that and focuses instead on the way their hands remain linked for a beat too long. “It was a pleasure. I’m--” Lena hesitates, before her eyes land on Kara’s. “I’m glad if I had to be paired with anyone, it was with you.”

“Me too,” Kara replies earnestly.

The lights suddenly start to dim and come back on again, leaving Lena and Kara to exchange puzzled looks. Kara notices Cat grabbing a microphone across the room, and they walk over to where everyone is gathering. 

Cat positions herself in front of a large Christmas tree that is front and center, with all the secret santa presents layered evenly around it. Kara’s heart begins to pound as she realizes that this is it. The moment she’s been simultaneously waiting for and dreading.

“If I can have your attention,” Cat begins, tapping the microphone and waiting for the crowd to settle. “The champagne will still be there when we’re finished, I promise.” 

Everyone gathers closer, whispering excitedly.

“This has been quite a year,” Cat begins, pacing in front of the tree as she addresses her staff, “and I can honestly say it’s been one of my favorites as CEO of CatCo. I won’t go into too many details here, as I’ve written quite a lengthy editorial, which you’ll all take the time to read when the magazine hits newsstands next week.” She looks around the room to emphasize her point, and everyone hums in agreement. “Before we begin the exchange, there’s just one more formality I’d like to address. Ms. Luthor, if you’d join me up here, please.”

Lena glances at Kara with a questioning frown, before joining Cat in front of the tree. Cat places a hand on Lena’s shoulder and resumes speaking. “I’d like to introduce you all to our new Vice President of Operations--” Cat turns to Lena. “Congratulations.”

The room erupts into cheerful claps as Lena bashfully accepts the promotion with a small wave. She makes quick eye contact with Kara, who gives her a thumbs up. Lena beams. 

“And now, on with the festivities,” Cat says, reaching for a present under the tree. “Ah, fantastic. Mr. Schott, this one’s for you.”

Winn accepts his gift and tears into it, revealing a holiday themed sweater with a Darth Vader mask in the middle. He immediately throws it on over his shirt and tie. 

“And who does Mr. Schott have to thank for this fashion monstrosity?” Cat asks, staring at it with a frown. Brainy anxiously raises his hand. 

“Nice!” Winn exclaims. “It’s perfect! Brainy, you finally watched it!”

“I did, indeed,” Brainy replies. “Several times. And may the force be with you!”

Kara joins in with laughter as Winn gives Brainy a big hug. The gift exchange continues on after that, with silly gifts of all sorts being given and received. Alex opens a gift from Sam -- a bottle of her favorite scotch, and a note that has Alex’s cheeks flushing crimson -- and Kara nudges her sister to give Sam a proper thank you. Alex gives her a long hug and Kara watches proudly.

Finally, with wrapping paper covering the floor and everyone red-faced and giddy, they come down to the last present.

“Here we go, Lena, this one’s for you,” Cat says, handing the gift over. Lena takes a quick look around the room, before opening it tentatively. 

“A planner! How fitting,” Cat announces as Lena holds up the deep brown leather bound book Kara has selected. Cat then pauses as Lena fishes out an additional item, her face completely bewildered.

“The Nutcracker?” Lena asks, shaking her head and looking around. 

“And -- oh, tickets to the Nutcracker. Well, that’s definitely over the limit. How  _ generous _ . Now, who does Lena have to thank?”

Kara swallows heavily. Her heart pounds in her chest so hard she’s convinced everyone can see it. Lena looks around the room anxiously, her eyes falling on Kara who has already raised her hand. Her face is unreadable, and Kara feels hot and dizzy. She’s fairly certain she’s going to pass out, until she notices that Lena is walking quickly toward the exit.

“Lena--” Kara says, too soft and too late for Lena to notice. Kara looks around with wide eyes at everyone staring back at her.

She wonders if she should chase after her, but then decides against it. There’s nothing else she can say until Lena is ready to hear it, and clearly, she is not in a talking mood right now. She can’t believe the way she just… took off. Kara knew she might be  _ upset _ , but she still wasn’t quite expecting this. Her chest aches with disappointment.

“I blew it,” Kara says, adjusting her glasses and trying her best not to cry. “I should have told her sooner.”

“No, no you didn’t, come on,” Alex says, wrapping her arm around Kara’s shoulders. “She’s probably just getting some air.”

“You and I both know that isn’t what she’s doing.”

“Is that all?” Cat asks, turning to everyone with a raised glass of champagne. 

“No, Kara didn’t get a present!” Sam exclaims. She’s already under the tree looking frantically. “Don’t worry Kar, I’m sure it’s here somewhere.”

“Oh, no, that’s fine,” Kara deflects, already mortified at Lena’s reaction to her big reveal. She doesn’t need more attention on top of it. She just wants to slip away undetected and hide under blankets for the rest of the night. Or forever, if that could be an option. 

Her friends begin curiously pawing around the tree trying to find the missing present while Kara tries to shrink to the back of the group. Unfortunately, Sam catches her. 

“Hey, you okay?” Sam asks, her eyes filled with concern. “Don’t worry, we’ll find your gift. I bet it’s here.”

“That’s not why--” Kara says, her eyes welling with tears at exactly the wrong moment. “No, forget it, Sam. I don’t need anything.”

Sam looks out the door where Lena left, and with a knowing expression, she turns back to Kara. “She’ll be back.”

“I don’t think so,” Kara says, shaking her head. “I really don’t, but you’re sweet.”

Everyone continues to look for Kara’s gift, whispering awkwardly amongst themselves until Brainy comes running back into the room. Kara hadn’t even seen him leave.

“I think you guys should come outside,” he declares, pointing toward the exit. 

“What?” Cat asks, frowning. “Querl Dox, what on Earth--”

“I was told to get you outside,” Brainy says simply, his hands joining together in front of him in the shape of a triangle. Kara knows he’s being serious, because he only does that when it’s important. “Now, please.”

Everyone begins to file out of the room and down the stairs, with Kara hanging toward the back. She doesn’t want to go outside; she doesn’t want to do anything right now. She just wants to go home. They reach the lobby and exit the building, the crowd eventually stopping along the driveway. Kara keeps her eyes on the ground, afraid if she looks at anyone for too long, she’ll start crying. This entire night has been a disaster she’d just as soon forget about.

“Kara?” 

Kara looks up slowly. She knows that voice. But it can’t be -- 

“Kara, are you here?” Lena asks, from somewhere in the front of the group. Everyone steps aside to let her through, and Kara walks slowly to the front.

There, she notices Lena, sitting in a beautiful horse drawn carriage, looking absolutely radiant with a tentative smile. She looks around and shrugs at her handiwork, before focusing back on Kara. 

“Lena?” Kara asks, stunned. The carriage has a red velvet interior and garland wrapped around the border. The horse pulling it along is a magnificent Clydesdale, deep chestnut brown with snowy white hooves and a beautiful red and green plaid horse blanket with tiny silver bells around his harness.

Lena nods and beckons her forward. 

“Surprise,” she says softly, extending her arm. Kara lifts herself into the carriage. 

“Wait,” Kara says, her mind only now catching up. “You had  _ me _ ?”

“Guilty,” Lena says, her nose scrunching with a smile. “What do you think? It isn’t a real  _ sleigh _ , I know. Our weather certainly isn’t cooperative enough for that. I tried to get them to use fake snow but--” Lena waves her hands, indicating her difficulty with the project. “So I thought a horse drawn carriage would be the next best thing.”

“You--” Kara looks around, astonished. “This is incredible. You did this...for me?”

Lena smiles. “Do you like it?”

“Like it? Lena I love it!” Kara exclaims, clapping her hands together. “This is beautiful! So, you aren’t mad at me?”

“Mad at you?” Lena asks, frowning. Then, realization dawns across her face. “Ah, for lying to me.”

“I would have told you sooner-- I just--” Kara fumbles, staring down at her hands. She doesn’t know how to explain anything she’s been thinking for the past few weeks, and now it all just seems overwhelming and absurd. How can she make Lena understand?

“Why didn’t you?” Lena asks softly. She rests a gentle hand on Kara’s forearm.

“Well I really did want it to be a surprise. But then-- I got scared. We got so close from exchanging e-mails and I didn’t think you’d be happy to know it was me,” Kara explains, her voice quivering. Lena’s confused expression makes her throat tighten even more. “We-- we didn’t really get along at first when we started working together. I just thought you’d be disappointed.”

“Kara, you would never be a disappointment to me,” Lena says, her voice soft and warm. She leans in close to Kara’s ear. “I wanted it to be you.”

“You did?”

“Oh Kara,” Lena says, sighing. Her eyelashes flutter as she smiles. “Of course I did. I’ve always wanted to know you...in whatever way you’d let me.” 

Kara’s eyes snap to attention at the way Lena is speaking, and she notices the way Lena is sitting impossibly close to her. Kara can feel her warmth and all she wants is to get as close to Lena as possible. Fortunately, Lena has the same idea as she crinkles her nose and smiles, pulling Kara in by the collar and kissing her long and hard.

Her lips are full and soft, and Kara’s heart feels like thousands of Christmas lights being illuminated for the first time. She wraps her arms around Lena’s neck and kisses her back with as much enthusiasm as she can muster.

“Does this mean you like Christmas now?” Kara asks breathlessly, pulling away slightly to see Lena’s reaction. They’re alone now, as the crowd has dispersed to head back into the party. Kara is thankful, because all she wants right now is Lena, away from distractions. Just them, and this moment. 

“You might have made me a believer,” Lena grins, pulling her in again. She kisses her with more confidence this time, and Kara’s head is still spinning when Lena whispers against her lips, “Merry Christmas, Kara.”

**Author's Note:**

> happy holigays! @stennnn06


End file.
